Morbid Fascination

Conversational Snippet

2011-10-24T13:33:00.002-04:00

Adult Son: So, what are you guys doing tonight?

Sarcastic Parent: Well, Dad's going to do a magic trick and then Mom's going to sing!

Adult Son: Bites lip, blushes and pretends to return to reading while suppressing laughter.

Sarcastic Parents: fistbump

Almost August Already!

2011-07-29T17:59:00.000-04:00

Where did the summer go? I can tell you, I have 4 cases of it put up so far, two strawberry, two raspberry and were picking blueberries next week to jam as soon as I get another case of jars. I used to think that October was my favorite month, but now I think it might be July.

Roast Beast Recipe

2011-03-07T14:32:00.000-05:00

Today is my husband’s 49^th birthday, he is getting older although it would strain credulity to call him a grown up. (Hat tip: Captain Barbossa)

Last night I made one of his favorite dinners, Roast Beast (Hat tip: Dr. Suess) One really nice thing about this dinner is that it’s easy to dress up by making gravy and adding special side dishes. Another awesome thing is that once you get it in the oven you can leave it alone for an hour or two depending on whether you are adding veggies during the cooking process.

Before I get into the ingredient list, I have to say something about the meat. You can do amazing things with a cheap cut of meat. I usually select one that is good sized, 3-4 pounds, and well marbled for juicy goodness. Depending on the size of your family, you might have enough leftovers to make soup!* The chuck roast I used last night was about 4 pounds and it was Angus so you know I got it on sale. Because I’m ~~cheap~~ a smart shopper, whenever I’m at Meijer I meander past the meat counter in search of two things, catfish nuggets** and Angus roast beast that has been marked down. For the roasts, it’s an inexpensive way to get really good beef. Make sure they are still fresh; don’t buy them if they aren’t pink anymore! Once you get them home you either have to cook them that day so throw them straight into the freezer.

This is where I usually insert a disclaimer about how I don’t actually measure anything (really!) and all amounts listed are approximations. If anything ever needs to be measured exactly, rest assured, I will say so.

Roast Beast a la Miller Ruskowski

3-4 lb chuck roast

2-3 T cooking oil

½ t fresh ground pepper.

1 t garlic (At least 1 teaspoon, I use granulated garlic and sprinkle it all over the roast.)

¾ t Marjoram

½ t Thyme

1 Bay leaf

One bottle of beer, John likes micro-brews, but really anything will do, even canned.

Optional Ingredients:

4 small Onions, halved

Brussels sprouts

Carrot chunks

Preheat oven to 325°

Slowly brown the roast on all sides in the cooking oil in a heavy pot. (The pot should be uncovered for the browning process but should have a good fitting lid for the roasting process.)

After the roast is mostly browned use a pepper mill to grind fresh pepper all over the top of it. You want a heavy sprinkling rather then a dense coating. Apply as much garlic as you like, most of it will cook off in the process but it will still have a mild undertone.***

While still browning, Sprinkle on the Marjoram and the Thyme. Turn the roast over a couple of times to spread the herbs around.

Remove from heat, pour the beer around the roast, not necessarily on it because it will pour off the herbs, add the bay leaf to the liquid. Add the Onion halves if desired. Cover tightly and place in heated oven. Cook the roast for about two hours or less if you prefer it a little rare.

If you wish to add the optional veggies to the roast, the carrots and Brussels can be added during the last half hour to 45 minutes of roasting. Just throw them on top and cover tightly again.

For gravy, when the roast and veggies are done scoop the veggies into a covered baking dish to keep them warm. Put the roast on a plate and cover it with foil and a dish towel or oven mitt to keep the heat in. Bring the remaining cooking liquid to a boil while stirring frequently at med-high heat.

Meanwhile, put some flour or corn starch (1/4-1/3 C) in a container with a tight fitting lid. Add at least a cup of very COLD water, salt & pepper as desired. Cover tightly and shake briskly until you can see that it is thoroughly mixed and there are no chunks of flour or corn starch.

Once the cooking liquid is boiling you can add the flour/water mixture. Bring this back to a boil while stirring (almost) constantly with a whisk or slotted spoon. Just keep stirring and boiling until it looks like gravy. Serve immediately.

Cooking the roast and veggies together is a favorite trick of many cooks so you’ll have fewer pots to stir on the stove. It’s also a great way to conserve energy by cooking almost a whole meal in one pot rather then three or four.

I always cook my potatoes separately but they could certainly be included, you will want to give them at least 45 minutes with the roast. Just make sure you have enough room for everything, you don’t want to pack things in to tight and you still need your lid to fit.

This is a favorite for Sunday when I have a little more time to devote to a family dinner and they always love it. It would probably translate well to the crock pot but I haven’t tried that yet. We have made this while camping but your results may vary, mine certainly did! The first time it was excellent, the second time, I over cooked it and by over cooked I mean cremated. Yup, nothing left but ashes.

*That recipe will be a tough one to conjure, it really is different every time depending on what I have in the fridge.

**Unbreaded; these are essentially catfish bits that were not big enough to be called a filet. They don’t always have them but when they do they’re about half the price of the filets or less.

***In general, this is the garlic rule: For heavy garlic flavor, add it at the end of cooking, for a lighter garlic flavor, add it at the beginning.

That's all for now, only 13 days till spring!

Reasons to Give

2010-12-28T12:33:00.004-05:00

Remember when your Mom or Dad's answer to every question was "look it up in the dictionary" or "go to the library?" I always hated that answer. These days, I love it when my kids ask me something that I don't know and instead of giving them the brush off, I can grab that learning opportunity with the click of a mouse and say "let's look it up together on Wikipedia!"

If you have an extra fiver lying around, please donate to keep this incredible internet resource free for all.

Thank you.

* Donate: http://donate.wikimedia.org
* Visit the Blog: http://blog.wikimedia.org
* Follow them on Twitter: http://twitter.com/wikimedia
* Follow them on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/wikipedia

p.s. Did I mention that your donation is tax deductible in the USA? No? My pledge drive chops must be getting a little rusty.

Happy 2010!

2010-01-05T12:05:00.005-05:00

I was watching a special on the history channel the other night regarding 2012 and the end of the 13th b'ak'tun in the Mayan calendar when it occured to me that the most logical life philosophy one could adopt right now is that if you aren't having fun, (or at least trying) you just don't understand the seriousness of the situation. I used to be troubled by people who take themselves or their life too seriously, now I mostly just pity them. To my way of thinking, if the world is coming to an end, it's highly illogical to sit around and fret about it. Although I'm not opposed to a little stockpiling of food and medical supplies, I'm a firm beliver that life was meant to be enjoyed, savored and fully embraced. It may be the end of the world as we know it, (and I feel fine!) but who's to say the next "world" won't be even better?

Don't get me wrong. I have made some serious resolutions in the past that I continue to try and incorporate in my life, such as exercising more. I don't make a list or anything, I just make a conscious effort to change something I see as negative about myself or my behaviour.

For instance, my husband really drives me crazy sometimes with his non-linear approach to life and it can be terribly frustrating to live with an abstract thinker. But sometimes, in my frustration I say things like, "how could you be so stupid!?!" (it should be noted, that this is not usually delivered in the most loving tone possible!) So I made a resolution to be kinder to my husband and not call him stupid, but to try and express my appreciation to him more often. After all, he is a wonderful father and a loving husband who goes to work every day and even makes dinner sometimes, so he deserves some positive reinforcement, right? I don't know that he has noticed, but I feel better about our relationship and I think that's what this whole resolution business is all about anyway, trying to become the best you that you can possibly be.

Sometimes I feel like I've spent the majority of my life trying to make other people happy, even though, on an intellectual level, I understand that we must each take responsibility for our own happiness. Thus, my resolution for this decade is to have more fun, take more risks, follow more dreams, trust my intuition more often, speak my mind even if my voice shakes and ignore more adversity. Do you have a resolution? If so, do you make resolutions for a year or for life? I'm especially interested to hear if you have you ever made a resolution that really changed your life. Please share!

Be blessed and have a Merry New Decade!

stuff

2009-04-27T17:49:00.005-04:00

Wow, we had a glorious morning today! Walked out of the house to take Peter to the bus stop and it must have been 60 already. Went for my walk around the park with my walking partner. We only went around twice today but we stopped lots of times to pull garlic mustard so I figure that counts as sit ups. My walking partner knows all kinds of plants and wild life so it's always an adventure to go walking with her. Today I saw trout lily for the first time! Now it's raining again, I actually think I can hear the grass growing! Still warm and springy though with the windows open so, I don't mind the rain.

Heard the peepers last night for the first time this year! I love that sound so much. Some nights I just want to drive around with the windows open listening for the loud spots.

So the Facebook experiment has been interesting, I've been able to reconnect with people from my past as far back as 1st grade! But it certainly has it's limitations. For one thing, it lacks depth, it's like trying to satisfy your NPR jones with USA Today. Also, I've noticed that people will say things to you on FB that they would never say to you in person. Of course that's true with blog comments too. (Not mine of course, all my (two) commenters are very polite!) Surprisingly, Eli was the person in this family who I most expected to jump in with both feet, but he actually kind of shuns it. Not sure I get that, but I guess that's his job, to confound and confuse me! ;-)

Recently I had an exchange with an individual whom I considered a kindred spirit since we share certain interests. Turns out he's an asshole! Surprise! Today I got tired of him trying to pick fights with me about religion and politics (seriously, what the hell is he thinking?) and let him have it, but that type never learns anything, they are already convinced that they know everthing, what can you possibly teach them? I would go ahead and defriend him already, but I used to babysit for this kid and of course I always want to give people more chances. So we'll see, if he knocks it off like I asked him too, that will be good, if he flames me, I'm done. Either way, I'll get some closure. As I told him, I don't have the time or the inclination to argue with people who think their shit doesn't stink. Seriously.

I'm kind of hoping to start writing more, I don't know, it's hard when my Mom is here because I have no privacy. She's constantly hovering over me asking what I'm doing and whether I'm working or playing and can I look this up for her and what's for dinner and the bathroom really needs to be cleaned! I'm sugar coating that last one, she's using much stronger language there. Then there's the perennial favorite "how can you stand living with these people, they leave their crap all over the house!" I especially love that one since she is actually the worst culprit! She left on Saturday morning but I was busy most of the weekend so I've barely scratched the surface on the crap SHE left all over the house. Lol! Apparently she thinks I'm her mother, but honestly? My kids are much better behaved; she's kind of a spoiled brat. Sigh.

It always takes awhile for us to readjust to having our house back and not being micromanaged at all times. I'm sure this is just part of the readustment. It's been so long since I was able to follow my own stream of thought without being interrupted, I sometimes think I've forgotten how. Turns out it's just like riding a bicycle, it all comes back to you!

Our choir had a lovely concert on Sunday. Simply Schubert was the title, the first half was a collection of Schubert's leder (German sp?), which sounded alot like ballads to me, parlor songs of the era, so I'm told. The second half was the whole choir, the organ and an 8 piece string ensemble performing Schubert's Mass in G. We gave up our Saturday afternoons since February rehearsing for it and it was good to finally perform it. My garden beckons so I'm really looking forward to having my Saturdays back!

Speaking of gardening, I think I finally have my backyard vegan neighbor engaged with the idea of a shared vegetable garden! Yea! I really want to make that happen this year. Were getting a rain barrel and we have all this beautiful Southern exposure, it's a shame not to use it! Hopefully I'll be able to connect with my friend who owns horses for some free manure.

Most of the things we planted last year are greening up. I've learned a few important lessons already, such as the need to trim my perennials at the end of the season. My varigated thyme is coming back, but it's coming back around the edges, the center is all dead looking. My purple echinacea is sending up new greenery already, but the white swan isn't showing any activity yet. I'm most disappointed in my crocuses, their blooms have been dwindling however so I probably just need to reseat them in the fall. I've been really envious of all the bulbs coming up. I had sooo intended to get bulbs in last fall so I'd have flowers in front but, it just didn't work out. Ran out of time and money I guess.

I guess I'm technically out of time right now, my butt is hurting from sitting too long today! My poor body, it tries to send me signals! It really does! If only I'd learn to pay attention to them! Time to get back on the bicycle I guess.

That's all for now, folks, rubber side down!

Happy Ground Hog Day!

2009-02-02T19:21:00.002-05:00

I think I've given up blogging for Facebook. So sad. Kind of like exchanging a walk-on part in the war for the lead role in a cage. Cold comfort for change. Wish you were here.

A Prayer for Thanksgiving

2008-12-01T19:32:00.003-05:00

I had already been cooking and freezing things ahead of time for a couple of weeks. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday and I've been at it for a few years now so I'm starting to really get it down to a science. Two nights before I had just made two delectable looking pumpkin pies and some sweet potatos when I was talking a wee break and humming softly to myself. I couldn't get that tune out of my mind and I couldn't remember the lyrics either, so I got a sudden urge to write some new lyrics and this is what happened, I hope you like it!

A Prayer for Thanksgiving
(Sung to the tune of O' Holy Night)

O' Holy One
Were gathered round the table
To give our thanks for these gifts we've received.

2008 has been a banner year!
In so many ways we have you to thank and praise!

We are thankful for this tasty food.
and this chance to join hands together.

We are grateful for friends,
for family, dogs and jobs!

O-ba-a-a-ma will be our president, oh yes!
For so many things we thank you now
please hear our prayer
for peace on earth!

A-a-a-a-men! (Church ending, as many amens as you like with as much harmony as can be mustered!)

Did I mention that we had an all democrat Thanksgiving? Yeah. Just one more thing to be thankful for! :-)

All the other mothers on my block are having a party, but I'm not invited.

2008-09-02T10:16:00.010-04:00

Because let's face it, I just don't relish the first day back to school the way they do and who wants a spoil sport standing around counting the days till summer vacation (277) when you are busy celebrating your freedom?

It's too quiet! I miss my kids! I am already dreading parent teacher conferences! And Worst Of ALL?! I HAD TO BE UP AT 6 AM THIS MORNING! Oh, woe and madness, my beloved lazy summer is gone! No more sleeping in, no more morning cuddles, no more going to work in my pajamas. It's over. Now I have to make sure people are up and fed and vitamined and lunch moneyed and then later? We'll have to start having dinner on a regular schedule and, possibly the second worst thing in the world, I will have to enforce a bedtime! It's a tragedy, I tell you, a tragedy of monumental proportions. HOW CAN YOU PEOPLE CELEBRATE AT A TIME LIKE THIS!!!

Okay, they aren't really having a party, but there is definitely a celebratory feeling among some of the other mothers I know and I must confess, I've entertained some uncharitable thoughts about these mothers. I used to think maybe they just didn't really like their kids as much as I do, or perhaps I am merely blessed with superior children! (Yes! That must be it!)

However, I've been rethinking my position and now I'm feeling a little less smug because it would seem that it's not that my children are so wonderful or that I, their sainted mother, am so patient and perfect. (I know, I'm as shocked as you are! Although I am forced to admit that those factors may have some bearing on the outcome.) No, I think the real reason is much simpler then that, it's mainly the age difference.

My kids are 8.5 years apart and they have no sibling rivalry that I can detect. I used to worry that my kids were so far apart they would hardly know each other, wouldn't share any of the same interests, certainly wouldn't share any of the same friends and probably wouldn't be interested in the same toys. But I was wrong and I could never have imagined or dared to wish that they would get along as famously as they do.

Now, I'm not saying that they never have an argument, they definitely get into it from time to time. But it's nothing like the daily battles my brother and I would wage. At only 2.5 years apart we openly despised each other, pausing only for birthdays and holidays. Seriously. We had knock down drag out fights every single day. It was part of our routine, come home from school, have a snack, watch some tv, get into a fight about something petty, lather, rinse, repeat. It sounds ridiculous when I write about it now, but we were really like that and my mother was like all the other "normal" mothers, she couldn't wait for us to go back to school! When I think about it from that perspective, I find that I have a little more sympathy for those other mothers.

"Oh, look, Muffy! It's past noon, the little darlings will be home again in just a couple of hours! Pour me another martini."

(Psst! Only 119 days till Winter Vacation! WOOHOO!)

and then they birth themselves, fully formed

2008-08-26T09:56:00.004-04:00

So I clicked on the sitemeter link just out of curiosity and it turns out that people are still dropping by about once a day. Some of them are looking for my guacamole recipe, lots of them are apparently searching for morbid things that are also a fascination and a few are disappointed friends. I would like to tell those people that I'm sorry, but I don't think I am anymore, and I'm sorry about that.

It's a circular argument, but I don't have any burning need to write on this blog because I'm not interested in handing weapons to the enemy. I don't have anything to say that can't be used against me. It turns out that I'm a closet introvert with deeply rooted self-loathing, fear of rejection and a pathological need for approval. Who knew? Well, I knew, of course, and I wrongly assumed that my angsty pathos would merely serve as a springboard to better blogging. But the more I think about it the more I realize that I'm not interested in opening myself up to criticism or being guilt-tripped about what I choose to write or not write about. I'm also tired of setting myself up for failure. It seems to me that I have spent a lifetime trying to live up to other people's expectations of me only to find that they were impossible to satisfy. Meanwhile, my dreams were always the ones that got deferred. It turns out that I've had enough of that in my life and my own internal critic is loud enough.

I hear you thinking: "So turn off the comments already if you're so afraid of what other people think." But that's not it, I'm not afraid of what other people think, on an intellectual level, I don't really care what other people think. It's on a more visceral, emotional level that I internalize these things and then I worry about them far longer then their apparent triviality would seem to warrant. Why do I do this? Hmm, let's save that for the ocd discussion, shall we?

So anyway, if you are here wondering where the post is on the dog dying or my 10th anniversary or our spectacular camping trip to Lake Superior, or the new computer or the garage sale that never was or how my husband is planning a giant 8-foot costume regardless of the fact that my mother is planning on coming back right before Halloween well, maybe I just didn't feel like sharing. What's up with you?

Stop me if you've heard this one...

2008-08-17T20:00:00.001-04:00

This past summer John and I celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary. We didn't throw a big party or go out on a hot date or any of those things they tell you to do in those magazines. No, it was a fairly subdued evening even though it was a Friday and we both had friends who stopped over to hang out. We ended up hanging out more with our friends who stopped over then we did with each other. But that was okay, because the next day? We took the kids and the new dog and drove to Lake Superior! So that was our big anniversary celebration, camping on Lake Superior. The fact that we were doing this instead of sitting in a hot tub at a hotel somewhere has everything to do with the fact that my husband loves me very much. Yes he does! Because you see, he really doesn't like camping. He tolerates it because he knows I like it and he's getting better at it every year. But I know it's a labor of love for him. So, thanks, sweetie! Let's do it again next year!

But that's not the story I came here to tell you today. Today I came here to tell you this story:

Not long after we began dating, John and I were sitting on a couch together watching Frasier when I admitted a special fondness for Roz because she reminded me of myself back in my sluttish days. Although, I coquetishly amended, I might not have been as much of a slut as she was. My then boyfriend and soon-to-be fiance gently put his arm around me and in the most comforting voice imaginable said, "Oh honey, don't put yourself down! I'm sure you were a huge slut!"

That was the moment when I knew he was the one. Now, I'm probably not telling this very well, it probably doesn't sound very romantic and I'm sure it's lost something in translation. But I want to be clear, the thing that struck me the most about this wasn't his quick witted response or his obvious security with his sexuality and mine, it was his ability to completely dismiss our relative pasts for the opportunity to be here now, in this moment, with me. So really, when you think about it that way, it's about the most romantic thing anyone has ever said to me.

We called her Shredder for awhile

2008-06-25T11:08:00.002-04:00

A good dog falls ill
I weep and sleep by her side
Lucy, please don't go!
This is one of my favorite pictures of Lucy because you can see so much of her personality showing through. Notice the dish that she's carrying around? That was classic Lu. She was constantly picking up dishes and carrying them around, even if they happened to be filled with water! Her need for a "security dish" led to the purchase of subsequently larger and larger dog dishes in the hopes that they would be too heavy, once filled with water, for her to pick up. HA! We finally had to resort to ceramic for water. Naturally, we never had to worry about her picking it up and dumping her food because she inhaled it as soon as it hit the bowl.

Notice also that her tail is wagging too fast to see it? That tail was legend. For instance she was a natural born drummer and when she wanted something she seemed to have a supernatural ability to find the most drum like (hollow sounding) item in the room. Then she would stand next to it and wag her massive tail with rhythmic intensity, earning her the nickname "Her Tailness."

She didn't wag her tail,
so much as wield it, drumming
the loudest surface

This is a nice picture because you can kind of see that her left ear flap is missing. Plus, as Alwen sometimes points out, you really need a white background to properly photograph a black dog. Lucy LOVED the snow, omg, first snow fall would find her rolling in it, burying her face in it and snuffling, leaping and running to forge a snowy new dog path where the earthen one used to be. We don't know how she lost her ear flap, she came to us that way, but she was always sensitive to loud noises, howling in perfect pitch with police, fire and tornado sirens.

She sang for sirens
my baby girl with one ear
her tail was legend

She was such a loving and playful dog, I was trying to just get a picture of her here, but there's another one taken at the same time with PJ in it and he was about two. When he was outside, she was outside. She was my Nanna dog, always watching out for the babies.

One of my favorite stories to tell about her involves my Mom's late dog, Matilda. Matilda was a rather high strung girl, being a mix of border collie and Australian Shepard she seemed to have all the spookiest qualities of both breeds and she clearly on edge around small children. One evening, Lucy was sitting on a chair in the family room, Matilda was between the couch and the coffee table and PJ was on the other side of the coffee table blocking her escape. Matilda started jumping back and forth behind the coffee table looking for an exit and I was preparing to jump up and rescue her but Lucy beat me to it. Having properly assessed the situation already, she heaved a resigned sigh and got out of the chair, placing herself between PJ and Matilda, thereby offering Matilda a means of escape. It was brilliant to watch and I praised her like crazy, but that was just one of many instances in which she would endear herself to me.

Now, don't get me wrong, she was far from perfect! She had serious food aggression issues and would tangle with any dog who got too close to her dish, or even if they were eating from their own dish and she decided she wanted what they had. When I fed her and Hairy (Mom's new dog) in the morning I frequently had to stand between them to keep her from eating his food after she finished hers! She was also not very nice to the cat and sometimes she would growl at her just for walking by. When I had the audacity to leave the house without her she frequently rewarded me by removing the trash from my room and strewing it throughout the house. She was a very large lab as well, at one point reaching a top weight of 105. This was too much however and I was obliged to put her on a diet. She didn't like that idea much so, not long after that weight was taken we started walking several times a week to help her trim down. (The irony was not lost on me that the life I saved might be my own.) We continued our walks, 3 times a week weather permitting, until the Monday before she died and the last time she was weighed that week she was quite trim at 85 pounds.

So that was how it ended. We went walking on Monday, the week before Memorial Day, and she was gone on Sunday, May 25th. Before we were done with that last walk, my walking partner and I were commenting on how much both dogs were slowing down (she has a 13 year old lab/greyhound mix) and that we would have to start leaving them home because it was just too much for them anymore.

The next morning, John was getting ready for work when he said, "I'm worried about Lu, she didn't ask for breakfast." This was earth-shattering news. An un-hungry Lu must be a very sick Lu indeed so I made her a vet appt for that very afternoon. She kept coughing and I kept thinking that she had something in her throat but the vet said no, there's no blockage, but to she had some sort of respiratory issue going on. She said, "If it's a virus, it might get worse before it gets better, but it might be something else so lets try these anti-biotics." Well, she got about two anti-biotics in her that day and the next day she started vomiting. Keeping the vets words in mind I watched over her for the next day while she seemed to get worse and worse, hoping that she would improve. Thursday was really bad and I thought I had better take her to the vet again on Friday, but then on Friday she seemed to perk up a little and she stopped vomiting so I thought maybe she had turned the corner. I kept a close eye on her that day and when she decided to go outside at 10 pm, I followed her with a bed roll to stay by her side. Eventually she came back in, but she always wanted to be close to her pack and I didn't want her to feel like she needed to climb the stairs to do that, so I slept on the couch that night in hopes that she would find that comforting.

On Saturday morning she started vomiting blood. By Saturday afternoon I had called the emergency pet hospital and found out that it would cost several hundred dollars to have her seen by a vet and even more hundreds of dollars should we decide to ease her passing. Did I want to make an appointment for a euthanasia? Did I want to have her admitted? No, we talked about it as a family and we didn't think that was a good idea. I have enough medical background that I knew what would happen if we took her in for an exam. They would declare her dehydrated and want to admit her, pumping her back up full of IV fluids. We would not be able to be with her there, she would be alone and probably frightened. We decided to wait it out and continued offering water, but she was already too weak to drink and whenever she did, she would just vomit it back up with a bloody, fowl smelling chaser. It was time to talk to the boys. Ebo, being 16, already knew what was going on and no, if we took her in the middle of the night he did not need to be awakened, he had already said his goodbyes. PJ was oblivious to what was transpiring and naturally devastated when we explained that she might not make it. After all, he had known her his entire life. We comforted him and explained that we might have to help her die because she was suffering and we didn't want her to be in pain. No, he agreed, that would be bad.

Around 11 pm I was exhausted and decided to lay down for a minute. I got back up just a few minutes later and I don't rightly recall the reason at the time. But I went downstairs to the kitchen and when I turned to go back up, she just gave me this look that said, "I'm frightened!" and I knew it was time. It's a strange thing to suddenly know. You never really know how you are going to react in this type of situation and when I contemplated the possibility of her death I wondered if I would know. How would I know? Would I be strong enough to do the right thing when the time came? I don't know how I knew, I just knew. I simply said, "John, it's time" and I called the emergency clinic to tell them we were on our way.

We took her bed out to the back of the car. We carefully spread a sturdy blanket next to her to use as a stretcher and gently lifted her onto it. We carried her out to the car, comforted her and took her on her last ride past the park. I went in while John sat in the back end of the wagon with her. I was filling out paperwork when they went out with a stretcher to bring her in. I will never forget the kindness on the faces of the vet tech, Eli and the vet, whose name escapes me now. I will never forget the look on Lucy's face when they brought her in on the stretcher, confused and frightened until she spotted me.

We waited in an exam room while they installed an IV hook up to administer the euthanasia drugs, I wanted to stay with her but no, I could not. They would bring her right back, they promised. That was the moment when I knew I could never have left her there in that condition, knowing that she was dying, I could never have let her die alone.

The vet said, "you can take as long as you need." We said "I don't think we want to wait, she might be in pain." The vet nodded grimly in agreement. I will never forget that the color of death is a bright turquoise or teal, almost a neon Parrish blue, it was such a pretty color, how poetic and ironic. I bent over the stretcher, tilting my head sideways to look her straight in the eye. Her cloudy black eyes, once so clear and brown, looked back at me. Gently stroking the top of her head I said, "I love you, baby girl" and she was gone.

I loved her so much
I am weeping as I write this
how can she be gone?

Haiku comes from pain
sometimes, other times from joy
this much I have learned.

Who are you people?

2008-04-18T11:37:00.002-04:00

So I get these reports from Sitemeter, right? And I couldn't be bothered to turn them off even though I haven't written anything here for over 8 months. Sometimes I accidently click on the messages when I'm sorting through my yahoo mail and every time I do, it tells me I'm getting like, two clicks a day. I find this astonishing! I'm noticing that most of the people who land here do so accidently and they don't stay long. But some people regularly check in to see if I've extricated my cranium from my gluteous maximus yet. Well, you people are insane if you think that's ever going to happen, but I do love you for checking. I might not be done here after all.

Jim Crow Meets the 21st Century

2007-08-16T14:33:00.000-04:00

Hey, this is going to be quick but more reminiscent of where I thought I was going with this whole bloggity thing anyway, so I appreciate you bearing with me. I'm seriously so flabbergasted I can't even comment intelligently yet, maybe in a few days.

A friend of mine sent this to me today and I'm just so enraged that this crap is still going on in 2007, well, I just had to share. The title link above will take you to the wikipedia entry on Jena, Louisiana with a detailed section on the racial tensions there and a list of references. The links in the call to action I responded to (shown below) will take you to the "Color of Change" website.

Dear friend,

I just learned about a case of segregation-era oppression happening
today in Jena, Louisiana. I signed onto ColorOfChange.org's campaign
for justice in Jena, and wanted to invite you to do the same.

http://www.colorofchange.org/jena/?id=1389-227651

Last fall in Jena, the day after two Black high school students sat
beneath the "white tree" on their campus, nooses were hung from the
tree. When the superintendent dismissed the nooses as a "prank," more
Black students sat under the tree in protest. The District Attorney
then came to the school accompanied by the town's police and demanded
that the students end their protest, telling them, "I can be your best
friend or your worst enemy... I can take away your lives with a stroke
of my pen."

A series of white-on-black incidents of violence followed, and the DA
did nothing. But when a white student was beaten up in a schoolyard
fight, the DA responded by charging six black students with attempted
murder and conspiracy to commit murder.

It's a story that reads like one from the Jim Crow era, when judges,
lawyers and all-white juries used the justice system to keep blacks in
"their place." But it's happening today. The families of these young
men are fighting back, but the story has gotten minimal press.
Together, we can make sure their story is told and that the Governor
of Louisiana intervenes and provides justice for the Jena 6. It starts
now. Please join me:

http://www.colorofchange.org/jena/?id=1389-227651

The noose-hanging incident and the DA's visit to the school set the
stage for everything that followed. Racial tension escalated over the
next couple of months, and on November 30, the main academic building
of
Jena High School was burned down in an unsolved fire. Later the same
weekend, a black student was beaten up by white students at a party.
The next day, black students at a convenience store were threatened by
a
young white man with a shotgun. They wrestled the gun from him and ran
away. While no charges were filed against the white man, the students
were later arrested for the theft of the gun.

That Monday at school, a white student, who had been a vocal supporter
of the students who hung the nooses, taunted the black student who was
beaten up at the off-campus party and allegedly called several black
students "nigger." After lunch, he was knocked down, punched and
kicked by black students. He was taken to the hospital, but was
released and was well enough to go to a social event that evening.

Six Black Jena High students, Robert Bailey (17), Theo Shaw (17),
Carwin Jones (18), Bryant Purvis (17), Mychal Bell (16) and an
unidentified minor, were expelled from school, arrested and charged
with second-degree attempted murder. The first trial ended last
month, and Mychal Bell, who has been in prison since December, was
convicted of aggravated battery and conspiracy to commit aggravated
battery (both felonies) by an all-white jury in a trial where his
public defender called no witnesses. During his trial, Mychal's
parents were ordered not to speak to the media and the court
prohibited protests from taking place near the courtroom or where the
judge could see them.

Mychal is scheduled to be sentenced on July 31st, and could go to jail
for 22 years. Theo Shaw's trial is next. He will finally make bail
this week.

The Jena Six are lucky to have parents and loved ones who are fighting
tooth and nail to free them. They have been threatened but they are
standing strong. We know that if the families have to go it alone,
their sons will be a long time coming home. But if we act now, we can
make a difference.

Join me in demanding that Louisiana Governor Kathleen Blanco get
involved to make sure that justice is served for Mychal Bell, and that
DA Reed Walters drop the charges against the 5 boys who have not yet
gone to trial.

http://www.colorofchange.org/jena/?id=1389-227651

Thanks.

That's all for now, check back later for spitting, sputtering, cursing and vitriol!

This post has no title.

2007-07-24T13:34:00.000-04:00

Nor does it contain any spoilers, just a mission, should you chose to accept it.

If you're new around here, you may not be aware of what a huge Potter fan I am. If your one of those types who hasn't read them because you think they're just kids books, not serious literature and fantasy is just silly, well you should probably just leave now because frankly, you people take yourselves far too seriously.

If, on the other hand, you have not read them *yet* because you've been terribly busy knitting, selling nappies, writing screen plays or building a log cabin, then I promise you, I will not ruin your fun. But I have been waiting for this book for a very long time, so I can't just let it go without comment, ya know?

I just want to say one thing, okay maybe a few things. Rowling does not disappoint. I loved this book, in fact it may end up being my favorite in the series. Deathly Hallows starts moving at a harrowing pace from chapter one and the hits just keep coming, one nail-biting, page turning chapter after another. Honestly, it doesn't let up until the epilogue. She manages to tie up most of the loose ends, saving some of the best for last in the final few chapters.

We all knew there would be some deaths, "it's not a bloodbath, but it is more then two" was the final word we heard from Rowling on the subject. Of course, Moldy Voldy and the gang were killing them off fairly indescriminately, so quite a few of them are unknowns or barely knowns, but there was a bit more bloodshed then I expected and that's definitely all I can say on that topic!

The only complaints I have regard the development of specific characters who could have been given more ink (imho) but I have to balance that (being a typical Libra) with the knowledge that further character development would have been paid for in the pace of the book, which I can only describe as breathtaking, or maybe exhilarating. Seriously.

Now I must confess, I'm one of those terribly impatient people who actually read the Epilogue spoiler on line because I HAD TO KNOW! Yes, I was a tiny bit disappointed in myself for that. However, knowing what the ending was going to be did not stop me from buying two copies anyway, so I think I'm somewhat redeemed. Also, I can assure you, that even if you also choose to read the epilogue first, you'll still want to read the rest of the book. You will still be biting your nails with suspense until the very end to see HOW it all ends up the way it does. Rowling always said that she enjoyed the fan fiction and they won't be disappointed either, she's left them plenty to work with!

A couple of thoughts on the latest movie, it's probably not a good idea to re-read the book *immediately* before seeing the movie. That did not improve my viewing pleasure. No siree. The guys loved it though, so I do recommend it for those non-readers out there. You know who they are, they can't sit still long enough to read a book but their houses are immaculate. What can you do? Some people's priorities are just totally screwed up!

But if you are a reader, you may appreciate this. I started re-reading with Sorceror's Stone right after school let out (Some of them for the third or 4th time!) and finished re-reading Half-Blood Prince on Wednesday, July 18th. Do not ask me what I did on the 19th, I don't recall. No, I'm not ashamed to be that obessed with a "kids book"...hey wait a minute, I thought I told you "serious" people to leave!

Anyway, I highly recommend re-reading the previous six books before you delve into the final chapter of Harry's story, if only to enjoy them one last time before the story ends. I know, that may take till fall, but that's cool, I'll wait...

So that's your mission, go read Deathly Hallows! Now! For extra credit read the rest of them, in order, first. Come back when you are finished so we can discuss, ok?

Gah, there's so much more I want to talk about! Aren't you people done reading yet?

Testing, testing...is this thing on?

2007-06-18T16:37:00.000-04:00

OMG! I missed my blogiversary! How could I have let such a thing occur!?

Ahem.

So, school is out! Yea! I'm so glad to have my boys home. For the first couple days I would wake up and think, oh crap, I have to get PJ to school! Then it would slowly dawn on me, grinning, I would turn over, do a mini fist pump, close my eyes and catch a few more winks. Then the report cards came.

Now, I don't want to come off sounding like I had no idea what was coming, but I really didn't expect it to be quite as bad as it was. I knew that PJ was actually learning things (um, in his, uh, free range style) and I'm also aware that he's quite immmature socially. But I also know that he's a good kid and he reads way above grade level. So I'm at a certain level of acceptance with him. The other one, however, well, I knew he would have to repeat math, but math AND English? Come on! This from a kid who reads above grade level, too! Daily I pray, Lord, please keep my children from upholding the time honored family tradition of under-achievement. Amen. Yet thus far, in the area of academics, my prayers have gone unanswered.

So, long story short, this summer I bought them home work. The book of worksheets for the little guy is probably too easy for him, but my goal is to make him understand that sitting down and putting pencil to paper is going to be part of his daily routine. I just want him to do something every day, capice?

The older one was more difficult. Were trying a couple of different things I found on algebra plus he has to make up his English credit! From the sounds of the letter we got from school he was required to take summer school, but when I talked to the counselor he said that there were other options like correspondence courses, but he can't take two English classes at the same time and he needs 4 years of it to graduate. (WTF?) Somebody remind me why I didn't just home school in the first place?

Of course, things could always be worse. A couple of summer's ago, Eli discovered that he enjoyed splitting wood (for a variety of testosterone releasing reasons, I'm sure!) so we made sure he understood the rules of knife/hatchet safety, yet he stil managed to start casually hacking away at something while wearing his sandals and wouldn't you know it, he sunk that hatchet right into his big toe. No, I did not take a picture. Pity.

Of course, it wasn't as bad as it sounds nor as bad as the amount of blood loss might lead one to believe, but lots of people might have taken him to the ER.
Fortunately, I had quite a bit of experience with the er myself as a child so I had a pretty good idea of how they would treat that and I keep plenty of peroxide, betadine and neosporin ointment around for just such occasions, thank you very much.

So, as I say, it's important to put things in perspective. This summer he's taking driver's ed, repeating English and doing a self study course on Algebra. Oh, and he has Fuschia hair. And he's starting a band. And he babysits his brother. So the fun is just beginning! But at least they'll be too busy to sit around playing video games all day like last summer.

(Lest I sound like Cassandra, I must qualify that statement by saying that I actually do believe the fun is just beginning. That's one of the secrets to my success and it can work for anyone, but it's easier if you can still suspend disbelief. Faith is funny that way. But the best truly is yet to come. At least from my experience this is the case, the older they get, the closer I get to them because we can communicate on a higher level. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!)

One thing were all looking forward to with great trepidation, THE most important book of the summer (sorry, Al!) I'm sure you have already guessed I'm speaking of none other then the new Harry Potter! OMG, I can barely contain myself when I talk about it! Just know this, I am reading them again, some of them for the third or 4th time I'm sure, because of one little doubt. If she kills him off, I'll never be able to enjoy them again, so I'm reading them all over again from the beginning so that I can enjoy them one last time, just in case!

Next week were off to Canada so my next missive will probably be a report on the state of poutine. Although I did recently re-join the choir after a 21 year hiatus and that's been an adventure, but it's probably only interesting to me. For now I'll just say that it's good to be back, also, I'm glad I decided to challenge my brain instead of my vocal chords. I was a second soprano all those year ago because that was what they needed when I joined and I've always had a good range, but I'm really an alto. The challenge is that all the music I learned as a soprano, I have to re-learn as an alto! Anything to stave off the alzheimer's, ya know?

A thousand apologies...

2007-03-29T16:20:00.000-04:00

I'm not sure where to begin. My mom left for her home in Canada about a week and a half ago. She had been here with us since November. I love my Mom, but I shouldn't live with her. She is toxic to me and the last month is always the hardest. It’s a shame too, because she really tries to help out and we should totally appreciate her, but she tends to be a very critical and demanding person and that puts such a strain on the whole family. We breathe a collective sigh of relief when she finally leaves.

I can’t even tell you how much this saddens me. My mother has done more for my children then all of their other grandparents combined, yet they dread her arrival and cheer her departure. How I wish it were the other way around. My eldest has been feeling this way for awhile and it’s not surprising, she treats him the same way she treated me when I was his age and I resented it too. The youngest is just starting to show signs of feeling this way and it hurts to see it happening again.

For the last month or so I’ve found myself pulling back away from everything just out of self-preservation. I don’t call, I don’t write, I don’t go to church, I’ve dropped off the face of the earth. That’s actually kind of frighteningly easy to accomplish when you work from home. It’s weirdly illogical to me. It seems like I would be craving human companionship instead of dreading it. Not only have I not written anything here, but (and this is difficult to admit) I’ve stopped reading blogs almost entirely. My friends on the side bar over there? I’m sorry I’ve neglected you. I do get busier with work this time of year, but, I don’t know, something is different this time.

So, I've spent the last week and a half trying to extricate my cranium from my gluteus maximums. I’ve called a few people, done a little yard work, saw the Blue Men, etc. Seriously! Back in December my eldest and I volunteered for the phone bank at WGVU and I somehow talked myself into making a $200 contribution for premium seats. We were in the 17th row and it was really quite awesome. (Funny, Ebo thought the scalpers were outside the VanAndel. LOL!) Seriously though, I worked for them for 6 years but I was a believer in public broadcasting before I got there so we volunteer frequently. Last night we were on the radio! I like to say “You can take the girl out of public broadcasting, but you can’t take the public broadcasting out of the girl!” (Yes, I’ve actually said this. Pretty cumbersome and annoying now that I’ve typed it, heh, GAWD, I’m such an ass!)

Of course pledge drives segue perfectly into taxes and I’m still not done with my taxes but I’m not concerned because I’m pretty sure I’m going to owe them. I’m self employed so, hey, what’s the rush? Might as well hang on to my money as long as I can! I’ll say I’m going to work on it this weekend, but honestly, I may be at the post office at 11:59 PM on April 15th.

Meanwhile I’ve been taking a good long look around this house and to be fair, there are a great many things the Fly Lady might qualify as "things which do not bring me joy." My minimalist friends would have a panic attack if they saw my garage. It’s not as bad as it looks, but that doesn’t really make it any better.

This blog, or the absence of blogging, if you will, is certainly on the list of things that could be cut. I read blogs for over 2 years before I finally started one. I think I was under the impression that I had something to say because I always seemed to have something to say on other people’s blogs so it just seemed logical. But truthfully, I would have been far better suited to this in my twenties when I was wont to spill my life story to any passing stranger. These days though, I value my privacy more and although I’d like to say I’ll continue it. I can’t promise that’s true. See, I can’t really talk about the things that are really going on. I feel like I took a huge risk today in talking about my Mom because there are people who read this who know my mom and I don’t really want it getting back to her. No matter what I say, no matter how kind I try to be, it won’t be enough. She’d be furious and she’d never let me forget it. So I may continue to write, but I feel it’s only fair to let you know that I’ll be holding back. Don’t be surprised if I delete a few posts here and there, either.

Reading blogs became a kind of addiction for me in what I suppose is the usual manner. One good blog links to another, pretty soon you feel like you’ve discovered a whole new community you didn’t even know existed, populated by people you think you’d like to know better, racking up way too many hours a day just keeping track of your favorites! (Then there’s the commenting, which, I suppose I should have stuck with, ahem.)

This has happened to me before so I should have recognized it sooner. I was following events at The Elephant Sanctuary for some time on a chat group. It was my first foray into web communities. Soon, I started to feel obligated to read more threads. Then if I commented I felt obligated to follow the rest of the conversation in case someone responded to my comment. There were always a variety of fund raisers going on and I felt obligated to donate to them until after awhile I just felt tapped out by all the obligations. It was crazy! Having a rather addictive personality, I didn’t really notice until it became a problem for me. I was spending way too much time there when I was supposed to be working and I finally had to abandon that group.

Ironically, I stumbled into the blogging world while working. I was looking for a particular client’s contact record and typed “re marketer” into Google instead of the appropriate field. (They were kind of close together.) When I realized what I’d done I thought, okay, let’s just see if she comes up on Google just for the fun of it. But the first site I came to was A Little Pregnant. She was talking about visiting an re, only her re was a reproductive endocrinologist. Well, long story short, she’s an amazingly funny and deeply moving writer and it was my slow time of the year so I had a little free time. I started reading and before you know it, I was hooked.

When you work from home, nobody wants to hear you bitch about your job and honestly, I don’t have too much to complain about. But I have to admit that being self employed is a lot harder then I thought it would be. I really thought I had the self-discipline to do this but it’s very easy to procrastinate. Online communities, chat groups, blogging; all of these things are insidious tools for advanced procrastination. This can be a real problem when you’re the primary bread winner. This is why I had to back away from it.

Please don’t be offended that I haven’t visited you or commented lately. I’ve just been too wrapped up in my own crap. I actually feel better now that I’ve rambled on like this for a few pages. I seem to be very good at starting things but I’m not so hot on the maintenance side. I guess I was really thinking by not writing regularly enough to develop much of a following. I disappoint less people that way. See, it shouldn’t be like this! Blogging and journaling should be a positive thing, not a source of guilt, shame and anxiety. Or so I say.

Puppet Progress Report

2007-02-18T10:37:00.000-05:00

Greetings from beautiful sunny Chicago! Woohoo!

I'm such a geek I have to tell you, I'm terribly excited about my first attempt at vacation blogging. Can you believe I'm blogging from the hotel? Isn't that just terribly exciting?! Ahem.

This is our second family mini-vacation to the windy city and a couple of synchronous things are going on here. First of all, it's President's Day weekend, which is apparantly the beginning of a whole week of fun for many schools, my kids just get a long weekend, as do I. (I get MLK day off too, which isn't that common in West Michigan but my company is based in Atlanta so, there you have it. But I digress.) Secondly, it was our previous visit and all the photo evidence therein that really started me thinking seriously about starting a blog. But it's the last thing that really convinces me that we were right last year when we decided to make this an annual tradition. We really liked our hotel last time, so it's no surprise that we made reservations here again, but get this, we even got the same room! I didn't even reserve them on the same website! Isn't that just bizarre? Well, were easily entertained so were thinking of reserving it for next year too! Yeah, were just that silly.

Anyway, I have great stories to tell you about our adventures in Chicagoland and how we started doing this in the first place and INCREDIBLE photo evidenced from the giant stainless steel kidney bean in Millenium Park, but I really felt that I owed you the following puppet progress, so, here you go.

Liz's dogs are small, so instead of the usual sock base, I started with a pair of old gloves.
Felt tubes give the legs structure. I then hot-glued the tubes onto the glove and covered the whole thing with fabric.

A white felt circle with pink felt toes finishes off the bottom of the legs nicely I think! In the background of this shot you can see some longer fur, that will go on next.

But I called in the big glue gun to help make the puppy head, and I LOVE the ears but I'm not sure how excited I am about the two-tube model for the head and muzzle. I'm thinking maybe a ball and tube model, so there may be a different head on this dog next time you see it.

So there you have it! What do you think, almost a dog?

Snow Day

2007-02-05T10:54:00.000-05:00

PJ: Hey!? How can we have yellow snow? We don't have any huskies!?

Ebo: Huskies are dogs, PJ. You don't need huskies to have yellow snow, you just need dogs.

a work in progress

2007-01-17T22:57:00.000-05:00

1/17/07 11:03 AM

Winter is finally here! Wow, it's beautiful and treacherous. It was gorgeous yesterday, but I'm still out of the habit of carrying the camera around so no snow pics yet. It's stark and white. I could wax all poetic about that but maybe later.

As usually I need to start out with an apology because I'm neglectful of the blog and sometimes I wonder why I started it if I'm not going to pay attention to it, but then I realize that I work full time and I have a family and frankly, I have never been much of an over achiever, and it all comes into perspective. But when somebody says something and politely asks a question, they really deserve a response! So I am sorry, Christina, I have been remiss, and this response deserves a post.

I have always thought of myself as a person with a high degree of integrity. If I say I'm going to do something for someone, I do it. Where I get into trouble is when I start estimating how long it will take to complete something. I haven't figured out how to do that while also factoring in all my other responsibilities. Part of the problem is that my mom is in town and for a number of reasons I can only write or do creative things when she's out of the house or sleeping. I know it sounds crazy, most people say their Mom is their biggest fan. I only wish. Oh crap, she's back already! See, this is a perfect example, it's now 3:21. Sigh. This is how it happens. Nothing gets done in a timely fashion around here. Here's a conversational snippet from just yesterday that illustrates this perfectly:

John said "We won!"

Me: "Won what?"

John: "Were the only house that still has its lights up and now it looks like Christmas!"

So my next apology needs to go to Liz and Finn. When I decided to make a few puppets (and publicly promised them on Finn's blog) I really underestimated how long it was going to take me to do that. Then of course there were financial surprises that kept me away from the fabric store. As if we weren't already deep enough in debt after the holidays, the first week in January we dropped $470 on my husband's brakes and another $130 on new heating coils for the (relatively new!) dryer. (Woohoo, another $600 in debt honey! Tack another year onto the Visa bill!)

Anyway, I promised to make these puppets and I had hoped to get them to Liz to keep her company when she has to go in for treatments, but the way things are going she's going to be in remission before that happens so, there you have it. Nothing to complain about there, I love a happy ending! So I've decided that it doesn't matter when they arrive. Puppets are great gifts anytime so I still intend to make them as a thank you to her. She was one of the people who finally inspired me to get my fat ass to the gym. (More naked truth on that later. No, I won't offend your sensibilities by appearing naked! Yes, I promise!)

The upshot of all this is that I do indeed have progress to report. Progress! I had a most exciting and inspiring trip to the fabric store and when I say exciting, let me tell you! All the fleece and fur, everything, was on sale! Yes! Can you believe it? I know, neither can I, some of these finds were must incredible. Of course, I bought way more fabric then I needed. But that's the way these things are, right? I guess I'll just have to make more puppets!

See, Liz has these little dogs, Dixie and Dolly, who are Chinese Crested Hairless Puffballs (I believe) and they're mostly white, which is fairly easy to find in terms of fabric. But I want to make a Hartley too and she's a Mexican Hairless, darker, kind of a grayish brown with long silky black fur around her face, but in one picture she almost looked like she has a brindle coat so I was having a hard time finding something that looked like her. On the first trip I ended up buying this tiger stuff thinking "it's almost brindle..." and this gray fleece thinking "...but this is really more her color..." and so on and so forth.

So I kept going back and forth on this other fabric until I finally decided that this was some sort of sign and, tragically, I was forced to make another trip to the fabric store to get it. I am glad I went the second time thought because I found some longer white fur that I'd missed the first time through. That will be perfect for Dixie and Dolly's ears!

So now I definitely have more fabric then I need, but that's okay, maybe I'll expand into tigers and elephants too.

In other news, I'm also deeply sorry that I didn't have a post ready for MLK day. Interestingly enough, I had the day off but my kids had to go to school. The company I work for is based in Atlanta though and I imagine that informs their business decisions. Atlanta is a fairly progressive city, considering. So anyway, I was somewhat irritated that they had to go to school so I quizzed them when they got home and guess what? Not ONE mention of MLK the entire day for either of them! Now the argument could be made that it was mentioned in the morning announcements and they just weren't paying attention, but that's not the point. If they have to go to school on this day, why can't part of the lesson be about the civil rights movement? It's disappointing but not surprising.

I know there was more I wanted to tell you but it's late and I can't think anymore. For extra credit, visit Christina's Erase Racism Carnival. It's gauranteed to make you think!

Keep warm till next time!

Black Eyed Peas for New Year's Day

2007-01-01T23:59:00.000-05:00

This is my attempt to get a post in before midnight on New Year's Day. Didn't do very well, did I? That's okay, I forgive me. I must remember, the Fly Lady says I'm never behind, I just have to jump in where I am! Why, yes! I am naturally annoyingly optimistic, why do you ask?

Current works in progress include:
the annual purge
puppy puppets for Liz & Finn
linkage and proper props for Leslie & Seth
2006 taxes (Be afraid, nauseous is also an acceptable autonomic response.)
updating websites (shudder!)
various and sundry pipe dreams
Food! Glorious Holiday Food! (Not really. My holiday baking consisted of opening three boxes and preparing the contents according to package directions so we were even less adventurous then usual this year but a few traditional favorites did make it onto the table and I'll be sharing one of those with you today.

But first...

I just stepped outside to take some chicken bones out to the trash (much to the chagrin of Lucy & Hairy) and on my way back I noticed the constellation Orion, directly over the house. Orion has always been one of my favorites, especially after I discovered a similar constellation of melanin clusters on my left shoulder. The resemblence is uncanny I tell ya! Directly above Orion the waxing gibbous moon emits enough light to nearly drown it out, but not quite. From where I stood it was a jewel in the crown on Orion's invisible head.

Earlier today I made the requisite black eyed peas for New Year's Day. This is a relatively new custom to my family but I understand it's quite wide spread among the African American community. My good friend who introduced me to the tradition put it to me this way, if you make black eyed peas on New Year's Day, you'll have good luck the whole year through. The first time I made them was New Year's Day 2001. Within a month I got the job that turned into this one. So this is the seventh New Year's Day that I've made this.

Like all my recipes, this is a work in progress, but this is how I made them today and they were very well received. Of course, PJ took one bite of his "no thank you helping" and pronounced them "half good, half bad," but this was a definite improvement over the last couple of years. It should be pointed out that he ate them just fine when he was a baby before he decided that gaurded suspicion was the safest course when encountering any alleged food item not immediately identifiable as having animal, vegetable or fruit origins.

Black Eyed Peas

1 lb dry Black Eyed Peas

2 t butter
one whole onion
1-2 T fresh chopped garlic

1 t savory
1/2 t cumin
1 t ground coriander seed
salt and ground pepper to taste
***

Rinse beans in cold water and sort. Place beans in 2 quart pan with enough water to cover them plus another inch or so. (You will be adding water again later.) Bring to a boil, stirring occasionally. Allow to boil for 2-5 minutes. Remove from heat, cover and allow beans to soak for at least an hour.

When you return the beans will have soaked up much of the water. Add more water till the beans are covered by about an inch. Bring to a boil again, cover and reduce heat to simmer. Allow beans to simmer 45-60 minutes, stirring occasionally.

Chop whole onion as fine as you prefer. Saute onion and garlic in butter. Add sauted mixture to beans along with the remaining ingredients and continue cooking till desired consistency is reached.

These beans are traditionally served fairly hot with cayenne pepper or chili powder but this is a fairly tepid recipe because I have to satisfy a wide range of palates from my Mom, who loathes peppers in any form, to my husband who will be having his with a bottle of Louisiana Hot Sauce close at hand and Ebo who prefers his with Sriracha! For myself, I like to add a little salt and maybe a few drops of hot sauce or a little salsa if they're thick enough.

Other variations on this recipe include adding a bay leaf, thyme and lemon in various forms. When Mom's not here I replace the black pepper with cayenne. I've also been known to start throwing in vegetables such as any kind of greens, corn, tomatos, carrots, etc. Were big on garlic around here so that always goes in along with the pepper and the savory. Here's your hot tip for the day, Savory is The Bean Herb. You'd be hard pressed to find a legume that doesn't respond well to savory and I always add it whenever I'm cooking beans.

I offer this recipe to you with love, from my family to yours, I hope you enjoy it!

Happy New Year!

"It's a good tantrum but it lacks pathos."*

2006-12-07T20:12:00.000-05:00

Possible titles for this post included the poorly punned: "I never promised you a prose garden" and the drier yet pointedly accurate: "She's creative, but she lacks self discipline."

I was complaining about this awhile back, my not writing and I justified it by reasoning that there weren't too many folks reading anyway so I wouldn't really be missed. An old friend commented that I should not stop writing because there were no readers. But that's not really it. Partial blame must certainly lie in my lack of self discipline and well documented tendency to procrastinate. But, I'm beginning to think the biggest reason why I haven't been writing lately is actually some form of depression. It happens every year about this time so I could be seasonally affected but there's still more to it then that.

It's a good thing nobody actually reads this because I would be vilified across the momosphere for what I'm about to say. I live for summer vacation. I hate having to send my kids to school in the fall. Every August I start to feel the dread creeping up on me in anticipation of the coming on slaught. Book fairs, product sales and I mean product! Over the years we've done candy, calendars, wrapping paper, cookie dough and, astonishingly, meat sales. (Effing MEAT for gawd's sake!) Then there are the holiday concerts with their accompanying dress codes, classroom parties, field trips, dances, the expectations of parental involvement run from the mindnumbingly mundane (laminating documents one afternoon a week) to the dangerous (chaperoning dances) Additionally, my prescient mind skillfully scripts the inevitable emails, phone calls and worst of all, the parent teacher conferences! Good Goddess, how I dread the parent teacher conferences! Maybe I just have too much negative transference going on here but I tell you, I used to live in fear of these things! More so with Ebo though, I think I'm better at it now that I'm a more experienced mom.

Huh, experienced. Let's digress on that point for a second. Maybe that's not the right word. I remember when John and I got together, Ebo was going on 5 and we were discussing the parenting questions and discipline and it was a great discussion, very productive with much honesty about expectations. (I love you honey!) But at some point he said something that really struck me and led to something I perceive as being key. He said that he often deferred to me on parenting and disciplinary questions because I was the experienced one in the relationship. I was the expert. I thought about that for a second and countered that while I appreciated his deferential approach I wasn't sure it was the wisest course. After all, once I became an expert on 4 year olds, Ebo had turned 5 and so it had gone throughout his life. Therefore, through our interactions I was always learning as much about being a parent as he was learning from me. Of course PJ has proven that I was never an expert on anything, least of all whatever age he happens to be at. He challenges me in new and enigmatic ways I never dreamed of. I ask you? How can two boys be so different?

Anyway, history shows (again and again, etc.) that parenting continues to be a work in progress. Sometimes I feel sorry for Ebo because he's had to be the guinea pig his whole life! PJ gets the experienced parents AND the smart, funny, fairly responsible and incredibly protective (sniff, I love you baby!) older brother. It's really not fair but, there you have it, the bane of eldest children everywhere.

For me, it was helpful to think of each stage of development as a continuous tug of war with a push-me-pull-you. They keep testing the boundaries, you keep determining whether the boundary needs to stand or be redrawn. Then you have to do that. You must act whether you're pushing back, standing down or retreating. Engagement is imperative. "Quality time" is for suckers. Real time is the only thing that matters. They need to know your really there. This is how you must keep the lines of communication open. (By whatever means necessary.)

Among the things I promised I would never say to my children you'll find one of my dad's favorites, "the subject is closed." (Wow, SEETHING RAGE, just writing that!) I hated that more then anything. As a Libra, I tend to think that things are ALWAYS up for discussion. Telling me the subject is closed is like telling an Aries not to be impulsive. He may have shut me up temporarily, but it was never because the subject was closed in my mind, it was only out of fear. (Not that he was ever physically abusive, mind you. I don't want you to get the wrong idea about my dad, but he was a big guy with a big voice and he could be very, um, intimidating when he wanted to be.) I always wanted my children to feel like they could tell me anything and so far, I think this is working. As I always say, he's only 15, the jury is still out.

Another way we engage in the pushmepullyou activity is by increasing their level of responsibility. For instance, I was relying on a certain EBOSKI to keep me informed and supply me with any pertinent dates and paperwork but the conference schedule apparently slipped his mind. Maybe that's just too much responsibility for a freshman, ya think? So I missed his first set of conferences this year but I did get a letter (ahem) or two and some email addresses and we've had some discussions (sigh). Interestingly enough the timbre of the discussions graduated this year. It's been nice. He now realizes what he needs to graduate and he understands that this is on him so instead of harping on him to get me an update on his grades, I simply reminded him that he was almost an adult now so I expected that as he no longer needed a babysitter, he would be able to retrieve this information sans further nagging from yours truly and low, the skies parted and the sun shone down and he did delivereth. Of course he's still on the edge in at least two classes but I've absolved myself of responsibility. I see him doing homework every night, he has all the necessary supplies and planning tools. I honestly believe he can do this. I have faith in him, he's a good kid and I think he really wants to go to college so, there's his motivation!

Anyway, when the school year starts we try to get ready for it but we still tend to get dragged into it kicking and screaming. In addition to school this fall PJ also participated in soccer where I stupidly agreed to be the team manager. Good grief, I never knew there could be so many rainy Saturday's in October! Holy smokes, that turned out to be way more then I bargained for. I was calling a dozen parents at least once a week, trying to keep track of schedule changes and team pictures. Sheesh! Oh! And I later found out that, as the team manager I was also the de facto assistant coach! Oh yes! ME, the antithesis of the athletic jock, me, who knows ~~NOTHING~~, almost nothing about sports in general and even less about soccer. Oy. I think there might still be some juice boxes under my front passenger seat.

Let's see, what happens next, ah yes, Halloween. Gah, I can't even get into that one, this post is too long already. Suffice to say that I live in a family of artists, people who believe Halloween is the greatest holiday ever and that Halloween decorations deserve to stay up all year round. Also, they believe that any kind of housework or tidying up might disrupt the delicate balance of their collective artistic mind sets or some such trash. I don't really know but my house, which is usually just a giant toy box, becomes a giant toy box/craft room. Various glue guns dangle precariously, costume parts and decorations are haphazardly strewn throughout and bits of felt can be found in the most unlikely places.

You see where this is going don't you? It's not just the school thing, it's the holidays, the soccer, the cleaning, the decorating, the choir rehearsals, the drum lessons, the fact that we haven't done holiday cards in like...ever. The list? It just goes on and on doesn't it? It never ends and I wonder why I feel overwhelmed sometimes. I have to laugh about it otherwise I'd cry, for real.

Oh, and did I mention that we took a trip to Florida a couple of weeks ago to see the in-laws? And when we came home my mom was here waiting for us? Plus unexpected guests? And I drove the whole way. See, those are all good stories too. I'm just going to have to write more often if I'm ever going to get them all out. I've actually already written the beginning of that post. Resplendent details include my delightful Republican in-laws, the accompanying 2500 mile road trip, BABY SANDPIPERS and reviews of our hotels. (Please don't tell me how horribly politically incorrect Marriott is, I don't want to know! LA, LA, LA, LA, LA!) But I wrote it long hand and it needs to be transcribed and you know what that means, editing!

This post could have done with some of that but it's been so long since I've written, I figured I owed you a big one. (Yes, yes, I've got your big one right here too honey! ) But mom is off again, visiting one of my aunties in Pittsburgh so I have a modicum of privacy again so maybe I'll can make this more of a routine for awhile. I don't know, we'll see. I was really stressing about the Florida trip and now that it's over I do feel like I can breathe a little easier so I'm not as depressed as I was, but there's still that lack of self-discipline thing. Which is probably why I have a hard time teaching it to my children.

*Thanks to SnL for that quote, it's been borrowed fairly regularly over the past 15 years.

p.s. Updated to add that photo evidence is back! WOOHOO! Not having a camera all fall definitely put a damper on my blogging. I had sooo much I wanted to show you! Not being able to do that kind of caused a mental roadblock so hopefully we can clear that hurdle now.

me and he

2006-11-10T18:56:00.000-05:00

me: Come here, I have something for you.

he: What?

me: Just come here. (He inches closer)

he: What is it?

me: You will like it! (He moves to within arms reach, I snag him!)

me, triumphantly: It's the tickle worm!

he, gleefully: Yeah! I love the tickle worm! (I know! He's a little weird.)

me, echoing joyous moments with my dad: Here comes the tickle bird to get the tickle worm!

he, horrified: NO! I don't want him to get the worm! Make him a vegetarian tickle bird!

Go Vote! (The Naked Ballot Post)

2006-11-07T10:25:00.000-05:00

I did it! I cast my ballot, I exercised my right as guaranteed by the Nineteenth Amendment. I cancelled out my father's vote and hopefully made my feminist grandmas and great aunties proud!

For the first time in my life I could have easily colored in the oval for the straight Democratic ticket. Seriously. Now this is not to say that I haven't voted mostly democratic in the past. I have voted for the dems in every presidential and gubernatorial election I've ever voted in. For the lesser seats I'll often try to find a green or libertarian to vote for but damn it people, I'm in Michigan! Our right to choose what to do with our own body is on the line here in very a big way! I may be done with my child bearing but you never know, what if I were raped and I got pregnant? Would I want to carry that child? I don't know. We need pro-choice votes we can count on. So that's the main reason why I voted straight dem this time.

It was easy to vote for Granholm, Mchigan has enough dicks, we don't need one in the governor's office.

Regarding Debbie Stabenow in the senate race, I have not been entirely happy with her performance and voting record but I agreed with most of her decisions and I suppose that's really the best one can hope for, at least she is staunchly pro-choice if not staunchly anti-war enough for me.

Were also voting for Secretary of State and Attorney general, I'm not sure how I feel about Mike Cox as a person, but he's a Republican and a white man, therefore he should be replaced with Amos Williams, a charming and well qualified African American gentleman from Detroit.

In our house race, I'm disappointed in Pete Hoekstra's opponent, Kimon Kotos. Pete has had quite a bit of visibility in the last few years and yet the dems send up this guy no one has heard of for the second time in a row! Now maybe I'm just suffering from my gerrymandered state. No, seriously, that's not just a pun, my township is one of four in this county that are in district 2, the city of Grand Rapids is district 3. I was trying to be real fancy with these pictures I pulled off the web and put a "We Are Here" arrow on it but it's getting late and I just don't have time for that fancy ass crap. You will have to believe that this is the map I'm referring too. And don't hurt yourself there, that's a pdf. Hey, wait a minute, let's try posting it as an image link...naw, blogger says yes but it lies. Sigh.

Anyway, one reason I'm very proud myself is that I really did my homework this time on the ballot initiatives. I've walked into too many elections feeling great about who I was voting for only to exit despondent and admonishing myself for not knowing about half the stuff on the ballot. So I checked out all five of our initiatives this year and I voted against all but one of them.
Here's a link to the actual initiatives at michigan.gov The local independent media folks over at Media Mouse do a much better job of summarizing these then I can, so check them out for more details.

Personally, I only voted for one of them and you can be damn sure it wasn't the proposal to eliminate affirmative action! That's proposal 2, for those who are keeping track. Oddly enough, I didn't even support the school funding initiative. I know! The arguments against include that it was poorly worded, it could have been used to fund private and parochial schools and it was just another form of the voucher proposal they tried to pass a few years ago.

No, the proposal that I actually voted for was sleeply little proposal 4 and it's libertarian slant towards protecting the rights of the landowners from government interests trying to take their property by emminent domain, and then turning around and selling it to developers. I had to vote for that, anything that puts the rights of the little people (us, in case you haven't been paying attention) ahead of big business is my kind of proposal!

If you don't have any idea what I'm ranting about or you want to find out more about why voting is NOT a right it's a responsibility try typing suffrage in your favorite search engine and check out the links on Wikipedia and Answer.com. I was particularly entertained by the following snippet appearing here regarding the women's suffrage movement when, oh hell, I think I know how to do block quotes, let's give that a try:

Opposed by a well-organized and well-funded anti-suffrage movement which argued that most women really didn't want the vote, and they were probably not qualified to exercise it anyway, women also used humor as a tactic. In 1915, writer Alice Duer Miller wrote,

Why We Don't Want Men to Vote
Because man's place is in the army.
Because no really manly man wants to settle any question otherwise than by fighting about it.
Because if men should adopt peaceable methods women will no longer look up to them.
Because men will lose their charm if they step out of their natural sphere and interest themselves in other matters than feats of arms, uniforms, and drums.
Because men are too emotional to vote. Their conduct at baseball games and political conventions shows this, while their innate tendency to appeal to force renders them unfit for government.

Good stuff, eh? Well there's plenty more to be had! If, after reading all that you're still not sure if or why you are a feminist, I urge you to begin reading here, here and here immediately!

Call me when your head explodes. I didn't name this blog morbid fascination for nothing you know!

Yes, I'm a feminist instigator and I'm proud, say it with me ladies! I...am...a...FEMINIST! There, there...that wasn't so hard, now was it?

No need to worry about anonymity...

2006-10-24T11:41:00.000-04:00

My given name is Elizabeth Miller. Back in the days when I had insurance through Giant HMO Inc., they always had a hell of a time finding my records asking first for my name, middle initial and zip code before they finally got down to sorting by the birthday field, so I already new there were well over 1000 people in this country with my name. But it's much better then that, you see, as long as I keep quiet about my zip code, my privacy is practically guaranteed! Mwa, ha, ha, ha, ha!

HowManyOfMe.com

There are:
5,959
people with my name
in the U.S.A.

How many have your name?

Hat tip: Alpha Bitch What's in a name?

Not dead yet

2006-09-26T21:29:00.000-04:00

I have about a dozen posts running around in my head right now so if my internet connection will cooperate (crosses fingers) I should be able to crank out a couple to make up for the last two weeks.

Let's see, for starters the last two weeks have been nuts and not in the good lottery-winning, prize-patrol-visiting kind of way, more in the crazy making, what the hell was I thinking kind of way.

Photo evidence is dead. Sad to say my digital camera is having issues. So far it is not responding to psycho-therapy. I suppose it's possible that the lithium battery is just worn out but I haven't been able to find one that fits. It doesn't help that it's a Minolta, which is no longer in business and is now wholly owned by Sony or somebody. This sucks because I keep finding wonderful things to take pictures of and share with you, giant black furry caterpillars, giant bales of hay and a green-haired Ebo, just to name a few. (Re: the latter, Dudes! Manic Panic ROCKS! Ebo's green hair is effing gorgeous! Did I mention that I'm trying to curb the cursing lately? Yah, turns out my sailor mouth is contagious, oops! Sorry Mrs. Social Studies teacher! That's another story for a day with a more reliable internet connection, ahem.)

Let's see, what else, over at Le Toast de Suzette she's done started a movement, may even be a craze from what I hear. I can't believe they invoked the Haiku Gods though. It's kind of dangerous for me to get started on those, I have a hard time stopping, but at least I can contribute to the cause. I apologize in advance to BoBBert, because honestly? Some of these might suck.

Tagged for poetry
I might deliver haiku
and some of it sucks

Once I get started
It's impossible to stop
I just keep going

They flow from my mouth
or my pen with equal ease
Ms. Dove would be proud

But this one's for fall
her tattered glamour intact
Summer dies with grace

If frost comes early
he will hasten her demise
she burns brighter still

Not to be outdone
he paints the windows sparkly
Crackle go the leaves

My writing suffers
when TG is visiting
she invades my space

right now for instance
she requires my assistance
recipes must wait

My apologies
to Christina and others
I will be back soon

Can't stay away long
since this is my therapy
I can't deny it.

Thank you for being here.

Love and hugs,

Beth

Best Guacamole Ever

2006-09-13T11:07:00.000-04:00

Thank you all for your comments on my last post. Don't worry, I'm not dead yet and it’s unlikely that I'll be shutting up any time soon, certainly not while there's a Shrubbery in the White House that needs pruning. (Not a very nice shrubbery either!)

Many moons ago, when I first sent out blog invites to my small circle of girlfriends, I promised recipes and today, I intend to deliver on that promise because, my dear internuts, I am one badass cook. I know! It's not like me to toot my own horn this way. It's true! I'm much more likely to be quick with the self-deprecating humor. Not to worry, I have some of that for you too. You don't think I got this fat without learning how to cook, do you?*

The problem is, most of these recipes live in my head. I tend not to measure things; it's a heaping spoonful of this, a tiny handful of that, a couple shakes of the other, etc. So what is that, a pinch? a dash? half a teaspoon? I have no clue. Blissfully I traipsed along in that manner for many years and might have continued but ~~I got married instead~~ ~~hijinx ensued~~ the universe had other ideas. After a series of non-blogworthy events, culminating in 8 pm dinner times it was determined that I needed to relinquish my role as chief cook for the greater good. (I hear that other, saner parents actually have their children in bed by this hour. I have no idea how they do this.)

Prior to marrying me, Yo's cooking experience extended to the opening of cans, nuking TV dinners and leftover take-out, he was a confessed eater of raw ramen noodles, he was a non-cook. He did not know that t=teaspoon and T=tablespoon. He thought; with a surprising display of logic for one so non-linear, that a table spoon was a spoon that one puts on the table, i.e. a serving spoon. He had to learn that a meal includes a protein, a carbohydrate and at least one but preferably two or more vegetables.

Motivated by his appetite and fearless creativity he kept trying. Yes, and for this we are eternally grateful because now? (Here comes the dirty little secret!) Sometimes I think he’s a better cook then I am! Seriously! Of course, I'm still queen of the holiday meals. He can't compete with my superior organizational skills (read: OCD) when it comes to getting everything on the table at the same time.

Slowly but surely our family favorites were documented on scrap paper to be collected in a small cardboard box on top of the microwave. Sometimes I’d remember to write things down ahead of time; other times I literally phoned it in from memory while I was at work, that’s how Yo learned to make meatloaf and the old standby Tofu Noodle Stuff®. Eventually I started writing down recipes as I was making them “in case this turns out to be a good batch.” Thus, I now have at least half a dozen recipes for Apple Crumble and I have no idea which version is best. When I figure it out I’ll be sure to let you know.

Moving along…once upon a time back in 1979 I was a sophomore in High School and my Spanish teacher decided we should have a Cinco De Mayo party and he asked us all to bring something. I’m not clear on the details but somehow I got roped into making guacamole, something I had never done. Well, long story short, I did not learn the proper way to open an avocado until several years later and frankly, the concoction I came up with was not nearly as appetizing as the picture on the menu. I mean, I knew it was supposed to be green, but that precise shade of jungle camo green was not what I was expecting.

Several years later a good friend and amazing cook showed me the proper way to open an avocado and I’ve been perfecting my guacamole ever since. Thus, the recipe I share with you below is over 20 years in the tweaking.

Beth’s Best Guacamole

• 4 ripe avocados, pitted, scooped and mashed into submission
• 1/4 c light mayo (substitute anything of similar color and consistency)
• 1.5 T lemon juice
• 1/2 t granulated garlic (Yes, I am too lazy to use fresh garlic!)
• Dash cayenne pepper (I know! But I don’t know how else to describe it, it’s an old bottle with a small shaker top and I give it about 8 shakes.)
• 1 t ground coriander
• 1/2 t ground cumin
• 1/2 c salsa
• 1 medium tomato, diced
• 1/2 large onion, diced

Combine the first 7 ingredients stirring until well blended. Add the last three ingredients in any order stirring till well blended. Chill (overnight if possible), serve with corn chips and enjoy!

*AG will hate this but please understand A, I'm not really bashing myself, it's just that I've come to terms with the fact that I am a fat chick. Seriously, it's coming from a very positive space! More on this topic later.

I should probably quit but I'm just too stubborn.

2006-09-07T01:49:00.000-04:00

I suppose I should start by apologizing for not writing more lately but in spite of the eclectic cross country mix of readers promise by my statistics (Shout outs to Brooklyn, Saint Paul, Plano, Seattle, Sydney, Brussels and Laurel, Mississippi!) and my compulsive apologizing disorder, I have a hard time believing that there's anyone to apologize to when no one ever comments. Let's face it, it's not like I'd be missed by the greater blogosphere if I quit writing today, right? So I'm sorry I haven't written lately but I've been spending that time reading other people and I'm apparently incapable of doing both. However I'm too damn stubborn to give up on either so I guess I'll just continue doing both badly rather then deleting this wee bit of internet detritus.

I was thinking about blog mortality today while reading about Karen's decision to continue blogging after she returns from China with Maya Papaya and also yesterday, when I discovered the distressing news that my beloved Granny Vibe has taken down her blog as well. Her delightful son Finn says she's taking a break for awhile and really, who can blame her under the circumstances? I often wonder where they get the energy to keep these things up. That's the main reason I put off starting one of my own, I was afraid it would just become one more albatross.

I've only been reading blogs for a couple of years and I've seen them come and go in that time, but the most interesting thing to me is watching them morph. That's what happened at Karen's blog, she started off blogging on infertility and she was almost at the end of that road when I started reading. Then it became an adoption blog and, in just a few days when she picks up her daughter in China, it will become a dreaded Mommy blog.

I think when I started writing this I just wanted it to be a blog about nothing and also everything, no big angsty issues, more of a daily journal of life. Additionally, I started to feel that I needed to give something back to the larger blogging community. It seems silly now since there were only a few people who actually asked me why I didn't have my own blog; but I started to feel like a fraud whenever I commented on other blogs, you know, how can I spew my opinions all over the internet without giving them the opportunity to reciprocate? But I don't really have a cohesive theme or specific personal issue that I needed to process so it's unlikely that this blog will ever have the kind of community that's attached to say, the infertility or feminist blogs.

(Wow, this is turning into a boring rambling post. How original and thought provoking!)

Anyway, I guess I'll continue writing here and I'm going to try moving towards shorter but more frequent posts. It's not like blog worthy things don't happen around here every single day, it's just that I need to actually document them instead of just laughing and saying, oh, that should sooo go on the blog!

The rest of this message is for a certain Liz in Deep Inferno, Louisiana, if you read this I want you to know that I'm visualizing you mercilessly kicking lymphoma's skinny ass. I'm working out at least twice a week, sometimes 3 and every time I go I silently thank you for motivating me. I'm trying not to think of you breathlessly banging the painter in spite of the fact that my most succinct advice on that subject would be "less talk, more banging" but I certainly hope that's the direction your relationship is moving.

Love to all who venture here, be blessed!

Self Portrait Thursday

2006-08-17T15:20:00.000-04:00

One..two...three...how many elephants do you see?

(Click to embiggen. Hat tip: Chasmyn and The Simpsons.)

Here's a freebie, one of them is mostly hidden behind the upper right hand corner of my screen.*

Sometimes I'm reticent to tell people that I work from home. They tend to assume I'm just working part time to make a few extra bucks. Not so! I'm the primary bread winner so I work full time and because I'm self-employed, that generally means over 40 hours a week. Although I do work long hours some days, I also have a great deal of flexibility, which rocks the house! I never imagined I'd be so lucky to have a work-from-home (hereafter known as a WFH) job, but I always imagined I'd be working.

Interestingly enough, (to me, you're probably bored to tears, that's alright, just skip ahead a few paragraphs) the issue of balancing work and family life was thrust into my consciousness at the tender age of 7.**

It was a rainy day and my dad*** was driving the carpool to take us to school along with some of the neighbor kids when he asked us "What do you want to be when you grow up?" At least I thought he was asking us, he quickly corrected my assumption. When I cheerfully submitted, "I want to be a Psychologist!"**** He responded with, "Actually, honey, I was asking Mike."***** Then he floored me with what was quite probably one of the most psychologically damaging things he ever said to me, "Besides, don't you want to get married and have kids? How are you going to do both?"

I had no idea what to say. Meekly, I responded, "I don't know?" I was stunned, I did not know I could not do both. This had not occured to me before. At that moment, my Cinderella complex was sown.

Fortunately, I was a child of the 60's so while my father was a heavy influence on my later concessions to the patriarchy, my consciousness was being raised daily in a million tiny ways. At that time the country was exploding, so the mainstream media was full of radical flower children, bra-burning feminists, bussing and civil rights. I was watching Free To Be You & Me and singing along because I knew all the words! Everyone was created equal, weren't they? Women could do anything men could do, right? Isn't that why Billie Jean kicked Bobbie's ass?******

But that day in the car got me to wondering, and a seed of doubt was sown, how could I do both? I'm still trying to figure that out.

*7!

**I was also questioning the doctrine of predestination at that age, but that's a whole nother post.

***My Dad deserves a little defense here, after all, he was the affectionate parent. He was the huggie, lovey, here-comes-the-tickle-bird, let's-watch-cartoons, fun guy! He was also the stern but mostly fair (and never abusive!) disciplinarian. While some of his ideas are shockingly progressive and libertarian he can also be a sexist, racist, classist, knee-jerk repukelican deeply entrenched in the care and maintenance of the patriarchal status quo. From his perspective it's just good business sense. After all, he's a white boy who came of age in the 1950's; the dominant paradigm has served him very well! He is hopelessly anachronistic, but he's also always been the most emotionally supportive of my parents. It's safe to say my feelings on him are mixed, but I do love him, I can't deny it.

****Long story: I promise, I'll do a whole nother post on that one too, k? Short story: my mother couldn't deal with me so she took me to a psychologist who procured a prescription for Ritalin, which I took from the ages of 6 to 10. For some reason I liked him so I wanted to be psychologist too. Go figure?!

*****He still lives across the street. His family is one of at least half a dozen on this street alone, including me, who came back to the old neighborhood to raise their children. Interestingly enough, I still don't hang out with any of them. Hmmm...okay, next post? Why can't I get along with people sometimes? Do I fall somewhere on the asbergers/autism spectrum or am I just misanthropic?

******I will never forget watching that moment in history with my entire family, jumping and shreiking with joy when she finally won! Finally we had proof that girls were just as good as boys! It was a defining moment for girls everywhere.

Show Granny Some Love

2006-08-14T19:16:00.000-04:00

Wow, I'm not even sure how to start this, Tertia is always so incredibly gracious about these things.

Christina puts this particular cause into words much better then I am able to, maybe I'll just cheat a little today and let her tell you!

Because She's a Mom Too
Please go donate to help out Granny.

Why do I care about helping her out?

1. She has lung cancer and doesn't smoke. WTF. That just ticks me off. Not that anyone deserves lung cancer, but dude, if you don't smoke -- she's a body builder -- that just shouldn't happen. Period.

2. I know what it's like to have to undergo a major medical procedure without health insurance. For those of you who have health insurance -- yes, I am talking with YOU so hear me out -- you don't realize how lucky you are. So share some of the money you're not paying and help out somebody who is about to amass $60,000 per month in bills.

3. Think of somebody in your life who has done a bunch of little things for you that don't add up to much -- maybe bringing you a box of Kleenex when you're sick or e-mailing you a picture you didn't expect or remembering your favorite drink. It's the little things that make all the difference, right? Well the same thing is true here! Even a little bit will help!

If these three reasons aren't reason enough for you to go do it, then make up your own! And blog about it! And link to it!!

Go do it!!!

I know, it's shocking the way I just come write out and ask you to give money to some stranger on the internet, but that's just the kind of girl I am, I thought you knew that? Oh, we haven't had that discussion yet? Okay, well, um, we'll get back to that one later.

You see, the thing is, Vibrating Liz, aka Granny Vibe is going through a very tough time medically right now, and she has no insurance. I'm putting in a plug for her because she has greatly inspired me. (Did you catch the selfish undertone there? See, this isn't really about her, it's the fact that she inspires me and that I, selfishly, want her to stick around for many years to continue in this manner.) So, I don't want anyone to feel feel bad if you can't, I'm just putting the word out for those who can.

So go visit Granny, find out how wonderful she is with her feminist wiles, her chiseled 50-something body-builders physique, her handsome Painter, her beautiful flowers and her take no prisoners stance on that ugly bastard racism.

Then? When you're done there? Go visit her incredibly wonderful son Finnegan so you can see what happens when feminists get their hands on impressionable young minds. He posts about this here. If you are in a hurry and you already know exactly how wonderful Liz is, thank you very much, here's a quick link to the paypal fund.

Today's very special post was brought to you by our guest sponsor Finnegan's Wake-up Call and our very special guest sponsor, Christina, Downloaded

And really? It's all Alice's fault for putting Granny Gets A Vibrator in her blogroll. So go blame Alice.

Eight down, eighty to go...

2006-08-10T22:06:00.000-04:00

Eight years and two days ago I married Willy the Groundskeeper. (Our respective families are still waiting for photo evidence, so I'm sorry but no, I have no wedding pictures to share.) Yes, he's really a groundskeeper, but that's just his day job, in his secret life he's a soon to be famous artist and puppeteer. The image I use for my photo is one of his. One of these days I'll put up a few more for your viewing pleasure.

For you numerology buffs, that's 8/8/98. I'm not sure if that means anything but if it rings any bells for anyone, please let me know.

If any of you are astrologists you might be interested in knowing that we were married on the full moon, which happened to be in Aquarius at that time; a location that encourages independent activity. It would seem that I need to stop fighting that. When we try to work together we generally have very different ideas about how things should be done so we tend to bicker instead of actually doing anything. I’m a very stubborn jackass so that’s probably why it’s taken me 8 years to figure this out.

One good thing I can honestly say is that it gets better every year. It took us awhile to learn how to live together, hammer out the rules of engagement and so on. But eventually we decided that we are in this for the long haul and failure is not an option. We still fight, oh yes, in fact we even decided to have a fight on our anniversary. It sucked but we made up for it the next day. I'll spare you the details, suffice to say it involved candles and copious amounts of lube.

We don't usually give each other anniversary gifts because (I'm too cheap, we don't need anything, it's fraught with peril, I'm full of excuses!) we don't usually have any extra money lying around to do anything other then go out to dinner and buy a carrot cake. But the groundskeeper is a romantic so he bought me 8 long stemmed red roses. Typically, I kind of wish he'd spent the money on landscape edging. Ironically too, because there was a discussion at Tertia's recently about the 5 Love Languages and I commented about how much we had learned from it! HA! Even after 8 years we still have days when we have no clue how to communicate with each other.

For our wedding we had carrot cake, so we buy a carrot cake from a local restaurant every year to help celebrate our anniversary. This cake is undescribably delicious, a rich, spicy cake with actual bits of grated carrots and chunks of walnut topped with thick, decadent cream cheese frosting. It is pure evil. It is so evil we gave it a nickname. We call it The Cake of The Devil. I think it has a thousand calories per slice but they don't really count because I always try to make sure I'm standing up when I eat it. That should work, right?

Here's one of my favorite stories to tell about how we got together: Around the time of our second date I was finishing up some dishes while Yo sat on the floor and played legos with Ebo, then 5. Ebo has always been a very nurturing child, quick with the love and the hugs. So I was slightly horrified but not entirely surprised when I overheard him telling Yo that he loved him.

Desperately searching for anything to say that could deflect Ebo's (obviously premature and inappropriate!) emotional declaration, I started to walk over in that direction to say something. But I had to duck back into the kitchen and clap my hand over my mouth to prevent myself from screaming when I heard the rest of that sentence, "...and I want you to marry my Mom and be my Dad."

Wow. I was floored. Here I was, trying to make a good impression, trying not to move too fast, TRYING NOT TO SCARE THIS ONE AWAY, and in one fell swooop, my sweet darling son put all the cards on the table face up. I stayed in the kitchen for a time, mortified, considering my options.

A few minutes later, Yo came in for a drink so I cornered him in a frantic display of backpedaling by proxy. Not to worry, he assured me. He had sensed it coming and although he hadn't known how he would respond he didn't think it would be polite not to say "I love you" back and then after he said it, he told me, he realized it was already true. He said, "How could I not love him? He's such a wonderful child!"

At that point, I knew. This one might be a keeper.

My Son the Feminist

2006-07-28T21:37:00.000-04:00

One of the bloggers I read regularly calls herself Redneck Mother. Now, I don't know what her definition of redneck is, but she definitely doesn't line up with my definition of redneck, which would be mostly unflattering with the occasional Jeff Foxworthy joke thrown in for balance. She's one of my favorite progressive Texans, and I'm not just saying that because I covet her rooftop PV system either. Anyway, she does this thing on Fridays where she brags about her kids. Now, normally I'm not much of a braggart because I think my kids are fairly ordinary (Stop laughing! I'm going somewhere with this!) overall, hitting most of the normal milestones in a fairly average fashion. But occasionally one of them will do or say something truly astounding. Which, of course, is the only reason I really have a blog, to help me remember these flashes of brilliance from my progeny.

Okay, so now that proper credit has been given, I'm sure you are all wondering what evidence I have that my son has turned into a hell on wheels feminist. I submit for your approval the following conversational snippet:

Setting: Kitchen Table, Mom & Ebo perusing the Sunday paper

Ebo points to a target ad: Gah! I hate those kinds of shoes!

I remained silent, briefly pondering the rather conservative pumps he was jabbing his finger at disapprovingly. Had he, perhaps, acquired Yo's foot fetish? Despising all shoes that actually conceal the toes he so adores? Bowing at the altar of the strappy sandal in all their faux-feet-in-bondage fantasy fodder? My horrific worst case scenario was abruptly (and mercifully) halted by the continued jabbing of Ebo's finger.

Ebo: Those shoes! Those shoes there? You see those shoes?

Mom: Yes.

Ebo: I hate them and all shoes like them!

Sensing that things might turn blog worthy, I decided to milk it for all it's worth by asking the most obvious leading question I could think of
Mom: Really? How come?

Ebo: They are BAD! They are REALLY bad! These shoes do so much damage! They're bad for your feet! And they're painful! Did you know that these shoes can actually throw off the CURVATURE of your SPINE...and cause FOOT PROBLEMS! Plus they just look uncomfortable! (His face morfs into his most withering sneer.)

This is going well! I decide to play devil's advocate just to see where else it goes.
Mom: Well...I don't know, these wedgies are kind of cute and they're not so bad, they give you more support!

Ebo: NO! They are ALL bad! God, I just hate it when I see women wearing heels! I just want to tell them to stop, you don't have to do this! Why would anyone buy something that causes them PAIN! God, it's like foot binding! They ought to be illegal! (He actually carried on like this for some time, I really can't even do this rant justice, I don't know why I try! I'm pretty sure the laws of physics got mentioned at some point.)

He pauses for breath.

Mom: Well, that's true, they are pretty bad. Some people just don't mind suffering for fashion I guess.

Ebo: See, that's just stupid. That is just, beyond stupid! I think women should wear shoes that make them comfortable. These shoes do NOT look comfortable. Like those shoes you bought the other day! (He said accusingly and sounding more then a little disgusted.) I could not believe you bought those shoes! You can barely walk in them!

Mom: (A little sheepishly, wondering geez, how did he get to be such a feminazi when I'm so lousy at it?) Well, I know, it wasn't what I was looking for. I just needed something quick to wear to the wedding, I didn't really have time to look, I just grabbed something and it wasn't really what I was looking for...

Ebo: I just hate to see you looking so uncomfortable, Mom. Women should be comfortable.

Trying not to gush with pride, I recover my inner snark.
Mom: Well that's a very enlightened attitude son, but don't worry, I won't be wearing them very often. Just once in awhile, for dad... and you can take comfort in the fact that I won't be standing in them for very long.

Ebo: Thank you, I did not need that image in my head. But at least you guys love each other, that's good.

Mom: Well I'm glad we've had this little talk, I had no idea you felt that way about high heels!

Ebo: (directing his withering sneer towards me) Well, duh?! You raised me to be a feminist, what were you expecting?

At some point in time I might like to thoroughly deconstruct this conversation. I'd like to ramble on ad nauseum, telling how I've tried to raise my son with feminist values, how I've always tried to be a "good enough" parent, how I've worried that I was failing miserably; covering up my apprehension with the toss off at attempted humor "The jury's still out on my parenting skills!" But today, I just want to leave it right here, in this space, at this time. I just want to freeze this moment so I can replay it again and again and again. I want to shout it from the rooftops! My son is a feminist! He gets it! He really gets it! WOOHOO!!!

Damn, he makes me proud!

Summer Vacation 2006, Part Two The Quest for Poutine

2006-07-19T10:41:00.000-04:00

In the last (only) installment of our obligatory summer vacation essay, we found our sunburnt and mosquito bitten travelers on the verge of uproar and dangerously close to mutiny.

Ebo: But, but, that’s tomorrow already! If were leaving tomorrow, are we going out to eat tonight?

Beth: Out to eat, what are you talking about? TG has plenty of food here…

Ebo: But we must have POUTINE!

Beth: Oh, right, the Pooh Teeeen… (makes gagging motion.)

Yo pipes in: Yeah! That’s the only reason I agreed to come on this vacation was because you promised Poutine!

(Oh please, you know damn well it’s because I promised him he could get more Glenfidditch at the Duty Free store!)

But it was settled, pile we did into the Highlander Hybrid, all 5 of us and set off for the illustrious Pine Valley, home of the Pine Valley Poutine Appreciation Society and the best waiter EVER! Mr. Matt!
Why, you may ask, is Mr. Matt the best waiter ever? I'll tell you, we have not been here since December and yet when Yo ordered Liver and Onions with a side of Poutine (Ugh! There goes that gag reflex again.) Matt looked at him and said, "I think you ordered that last time you were here!" Which, in fact, he had. But only the best waiter in the world would remember that over 6 months later.
Pine Valley Poutine with elbow and red cream soda.Poutine Purists will note the distinct lack of curds. Indeed, this is not the connoisseur’s poutine, no, but at least they had the decency to use white cheddar instead of something truly horrifying like Velveeta. I guess it’s the gravy that throws me off the most. I’ve never really been a gravy girl.

Bliss on a plate. Or so I’ve been told.

The picture I left you with in the Gone Fishing post was taken right after TG had her cabin remodeled. This parting shot is from last week. I like what she’s done with the place!

Oh, Canada! (Summer Vacation 2006, Part One)

2006-07-17T17:57:00.000-04:00

Our Canadian home in Eastern Ontario is the same general location my grandfather Claude started going back in the 30's. I can tell you many stories about my grandfather, but were not going to get into that just yet. For now I'll tell you that he was a firefighter and an avid fisherman.

One year he and his friend Bill drove up from Cleveland on the insistence of another friend of Bill to find the ultimate Canadian fishing paradise. (Yes, he was also a "Friend of Bill" as a matter of fact, but that's not part of this story either, stop distracting me!) Anywho...they all started coming up every year and bringing their families and we all became friends, all us yankees from the states there. (Some of my more delicate Southern readers might take offense at being referred to as a "yankee." Fear not, to a Canadian redneck, all US Americans are yankees and therefore worthy of spite, if not contempt.) We also made friends among the locals, but the bond among the former Clevelanders was forged in the shared trauma of the 18 - 20 hour drives and of course, being from Cleveland. (A traumatic experience to which I can attest, having been born in Cleveland myself in 1963. Fortunately my parents immediately remedied the situation by moving to Detroit when I was 6 months old, where I was immersed in Motown till I was 3-and-a-half. But I digress.)

Claude had three children, including my mother. TG was the only one of her siblings to produce offspring. Fortunately, Bill had two daughters, both of whom started reproducing right about the same time. Thus I was part of the third generation where you still see me today, or rather last week.

This photo is not complete in any way. These are all the daughters, the three brothers are missing. Those who know us will probably be able to identify everyone in these pictures. If you don't know us, I guess you don't need to know, I will do you the favor of letting you know that we are arranged by age, L to R youngest to oldest. I'm the fat chick. Also, four of the women there are sisters, the other is a cousin.

The woman to my left is my oldest friend in the world, KC. I think that's a safe nickname for her. When I met her she spoke mostly Japanese. She is a woman of many stories that we are also not here to tell today. However, I should tell one on her because she is a wild woman. She had a class to teach on Saturday morning so she drove up on Wednesday and went back on Friday! Insane! That's like a nine hour drive! Good thing she had help!

Here we are making our monster faces!
I think I like this one best! I should point out that this picture was taken *after* the pictures of the 4th generation below. So we had recently engaged in some practice making our monster faces.

The 4th generation.
All the children of the women above plus a couple extra for good measure because you can never have too many kids around, so we like to bring in reinforcements!

At this point, they’re starting to drift off; even Miss Lu is giving me a look. Enough with the camera already, Mom! Let’s go back to the lake!

So we did!

Here's M, making a face for the camera.
Thanks for playing “Funny Faces on Vacation,” M!

Later on I got a picture of this stud-muffin! Humina, humina! He looks like his name should be Hans and he should talk with an accent like the guy on the VW commercials, doesn’t he?Oh sure, he's hot! But remember Ladies; he has one speed and it's mosey. This is why I? Do all the driving. Ahem.

At some point we wisely decided to copy our friends and leave a day early. Something about having that one day to chill between vacation and work really appealed to us. When the early departure plans were announced, uproar ensued!

To be continued…

(Editors note: I’ve been trying to upload the photos for this post for over a week! Blogger is very annoying! This, and only this, is the reason this post needs to be continued. Apparently I need to divide it up. Humph!)

The first week after vacation is always the longest.

2006-07-14T15:54:00.000-04:00

You know what I mean? Fortunately, I had the presence of mind to put in a couple of hours Sunday night, that made Monday morning significantly more bearable! I was really busy the first part of the week, which probably helped me get back into the swing of things. Took me till yesterday to extricate my cranium from my gluteous maximus though, but I finally managed to get enough done so that I could knock off early today. Woohoo! The first weekend after vacation is always the sweetest!

Of course it's summer, so unscheduled weekends are few and far between. This weekend my good buddy Alwen's brother is getting married so were looking forward to meeting his English bride tomorrow. Their Mom (who will be working circles around us when she's 90!) is no doubt running around like crazy trying to get everything done so I'm going to head over there tonight and tomorrow morning to see what I can do to alleviate some of the pressure! (Alwen, your mom needs a nickname and right now Taz comes to mind so I'm going with it for this post.) Taz was kind enough to make both my cake and my dress for my wedding. The cake was delicious, the dress, well, it needed more cleavage to be delicious but that's not the point. The point is Taz went out of her way to try and make my wedding day special. She has always been like another mother to me and I'll never be able to pay her back for that. All I can hope to do is occasionally be on hand when she might need me. This I intend to do.

I'm sorry vacation is over but we did have a wonderful time, I took lots of pictures, we had a safe drive, no real problems at customs, so that was nice.

Then? People were seen! Water was involved! Hijinx ensued!

Not really. Not much in the way of hijinx anyway.

I impulsively attribute that to the fact that a certain She was missing from the festivities but, what's to be done? Drama happens sometimes and one just has to cope even when one's friends are desperately trying to get in touch and offer their shoulders, cars and bail money. Sometimes one must go it alone. But the less said about that the better, on to the photo essay!

Okay, here's the deal, I was going to give you a photo essay, but blogger wants to be weird about letting me upload pictures, maybe because I'm too chatty? I don't know. But it's irritating to be sure. Guess I'll try that again later. All I could upload was this one and it was supposed to be a bonus. Here she is, just for you, She. You were missed, hope I hear from you soon!

Miss Boo, cursing the inventor of screens.

Gone fishing...

2006-07-01T19:30:00.000-04:00

...be back mid-July!

Perhaps I'll try blogging from Canada, probably not, but I'll let you know if I find any wireless hotspots! I wonder if they have that at Tim Horton's?

Bad Blogger Attempts to Redeem Self With Photographic Offerings

2006-06-23T21:55:00.000-04:00

I know, it's been over a week! I'm as shocked and dismayed by my lack of commitment and self-discipline as you are, believe me! Probably more so with my Virgo rising.

It's been a crazy couple of weeks since the kids got out of school, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't love having them home. Yes, I know, most mommies can't wait for summer vacation to end because their kids get bored and they don't know what to do with them or something. I can't say I really understand it. I don't know why my kids don't get bored, all I know is I love summer vacation. I love not having to get them up in the morning, I love not having to make sure they do their homework, I love letting them stay up late reading and playing video games, I love camping in the backyard.

I was going to post yesterday, but I ended up playing with a bunch of pictures instead! The upside of that is I have a nice bunch ready to upload. Unfortunately, I'm not sure how many blogger can comfortably publish at one time, so here are just a few to get you started.

If I were a good blogger I'd look up the genus and the species of this toad for you, but I'm not. Thus, I leave it to you, my sleuthy, google-happy friends, to educate me. If you feel like it, or whatever.

This shot of Yo & PJ is one of Ebo's from our most recent camping trip. I love this picture!

I call this one "Stowaway." It's another job for our trusty internet sleuths! Whoever names this one by genus and species gets a free box of Giradellis!
Origins: Found while unpacking a suitcase several days after we returned from camping. She was pretty shriveled up inside her shell when I found her, so I tossed her into a nearby glass of water. I was absolutely delighted when she started to climb up the side of the glass!

Status: Rescued and successfully relocated to the rock garden. Lucky for her I don't have any ducks or geese!

Favorite Sons: This photo came about because of the other photo posted earlier of the boys when they were younger. PJ saw it and decided I needed to take a new picture "in front of the refrigerator." I love the gleeful expressions on those faces!

Father's Day 2006: The aftermath

I hope you enjoy these, more coming soon!

A brief discussion on "Attachment Parenting"

2006-06-13T17:41:00.000-04:00

***Content Warning! Graphic Postpartum details to follow!***
(No, it's not that graphic, but that ought to be enough to scare off the squeamish.

Right after Ebo was born, 14 and a half years ago, TG flew to SeaTac from Anchorage "to see the baby and help out." Naturally, she dragged me out shopping instead. Me and my brand new nursing baby and my swollen 3-Ds and my stitches. I was not happy about this. But this story isn't about that, this story is about the next day when I refused to go anywhere.

I sat there in my green rocker, my sock-clad feet on the coffee table, my 8.9 lb Peanut sleeping contentedly on my chest and my mother across from me on the couch when the aforementioned brief discussion took place.

TG: Aren't you ever going to put that baby down?

Beth: Why?

TG: I just don't know why you want to hold him all the time.

Beth. I like him and he smells good!

I closed my eyes blissfully and lowered my head closer to his precious little head, inhaling deeply through my nostrils.

Beth: Mmmm, new baby! (lip smacking noises) Delicious!

Grinning like the Mona Lisa, I looked at TG. She had a curiously baffled expression on her face and she was shaking her head.

TG: I just don't get it!

And if you don't get it, I can't explain it to you either.

101 things that I believe

2006-06-07T07:17:00.000-04:00

1. I believe in God*
2. and the Constitution of the United States of America
3. not necessarily in that order.
4. I believe God loves us and wants us to be happy.
5. We are all children of God
6. and he wants us to come back home when the time comes.
7. I also believe in Faeries
8. and Santa Claus.
9. I believe that God created the Heavens and the Earth
10. through the process of evolution.
11. I believe in love
12. and the power of prayer.
13. I believe in practicing random prayer
14. and kindness
15. and senseless acts of beauty.
16. I believe that capitalism has outlived it’s usefulness
17. as have televangelists
18. and religious zealots of every stripe.
19. I believe in religious freedom.
20. Any path that brings you closer to the almighty is a good path.
21. I believe that love makes a family
22. not necessarily blood.
23. I believe in optimism
24. and self-fulfilling prophecies.
25. I believe in the collective consciousness.
26. I believe in the healing power of humor
27. and sometimes animals and children can have that affect too
28. if you let them.
29. I believe every child has a right to be wanted, loved and nurtured.
30. I believe that happiness is a choice
31. and you can choose to be happy where you are
32. or you can choose to be miserable.
33. I believe that I’ll go to grad school one day.
34. I believe that I can do whatever I set my mind to.
35. I believe that determination is one of my gifts
36. along with tenacity
37. and stubbornness
38. and I might be a little bit obsessive
39. although I understand that too much of anything
40. is a bad thing.
41. I believe the world is flat!
42. BWA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA!
43. Not really.
44. Just keeping you on your toes!
45. I believe my grass is over a foot tall!
46. I bet my neighbors are really pissed
47. especially the republicans across the street
48. because they’re trying to sell.
49. They’d probably also like it if I pruned the half dead bush in front of my house.
50. But I believe in truth in advertising!
51. Not really, I am going to prune it
52. before the grandma gets back
53. or maybe even before their open house on Sunday
54. because I’m just sweet and considerate that way!
55. But I do have to wonder if that has anything to do with why they’re leaving
56. or maybe it has more to do with our dueling yard signs
57. last November.
58. Here I was, thinking they were cool because they have a Harley!
59. Boy, was I fooled!
60. I am easily fooled.
61. I believe my gullibility is an extension of my honesty.
62. Being a truthful person
63. I tend to expect others to be honest with me.
64. I have been mislead
65. and deceived
66. many times.
67. I have been robbed by people I knew
68. and people I didn’t know.
69. I was horrified.
70. It felt like a violation.
71. After about the third time I was robbed
72. over a period of about 10 years, by different people in different places
73. I stopped placing so much value on material possessions.
74. I didn’t miss the stuff so much.
75. But it never stopped feeling like a violation.
76. However, I have also had my purse returned to me intact
77. more times then I can count.
78. This has strengthened my belief in the basic goodness of humanity
79. and the power of prayer.
80. I believe in reincarnation
81. because eternity is a very, very, very long time
82. and heaven is a place where nothing ever happens.
83. We come back because we forget the taste of honey and the warmth of the sun and we wish to remember.
84. When we die, we go to heaven
85. and it’s like a giant reception where we wait for all our people to catch up.
86. While we wait, we determine what lesson we need to learn next.
87. When we’ve waited for everyone we knew
88. we say goodbye again
89. and we come back to learn our next lesson.
90. This is how we choose our path in life.
91. Each time we return to the corporeal life, our purpose for that lifetime is the lesson we chose, the lesson we needed to learn.
92. Each time we die, we go back home.
93. Our consciousness becomes part of the whole
94. The collective knowledge of all our lifetimes is there.
95. To die is to awaken to this knowledge.
96. It’s kind of like, when you’re hearing something for the first time
97. but it feels as though you’ve known it all along.
98. With each lesson we evolve, growing to a new level of consciousness and awareness.
99. Each time we return our lessons to the whole collective, it evolves, growing to a new level of consciousness and awareness.
100. This is how God is also evolving.
101. The Whole is always greater then the sum of its parts.

(*I use the name God although I prefer such terms as The Creator, The Holy One, The Great Spirit and of course, The Force. God as a name for the Most High is, frankly, the least cumbersome for me. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.)

From the Mailbox: Saving the Internet

2006-06-07T06:35:00.000-04:00

I received this request from Move On yesterday to post a link to this in my blog. I agree with the message so I'm spreading the word as best I can. Plus the video is hilarious! I had no idea that Moby was such a funny guy! My favorite part is where he hugs the tree.

Here's a blurb I stole from Move On that explains it pretty well:

"Congress is now pushing a law that would end the free and open Internet as we know it. Internet providers like AT&T and Verizon are lobbying Congress hard to gut Network Neutrality, the Internet's First Amendment and the key to Internet freedom. Net Neutrality prevents AT&T from choosing which websites open most easily for you based on which site pays AT&T more. So Amazon doesn't have to outbid Barnes & Noble for the right to work more properly on your computer.

Many members of Congress take campaign contributions from these companies, and they don't think the public are paying attention to this issue. Let's show them we care - please sign this petition today."

At some point I'll have to do a post on All Of The Ways In Which I Am Not As Crunchy Granola As I Would Like To Be (ahem) but not today. Suffice to say I've been an at&t customer for more years then I'd care to admit and although I love the reliable service, I do think it might be prudent to move over to Working Assets. I wonder if they're still giving away Ben & Jerry's? and what if I want to call Canada? Tell you what, I'll check it out and get back to you.

On a lighter note it should be pointed out that we all seem to have survived another 6/6/06. Of course they had a big party in Hell, Michigan. So, how was your Day of The Beast?

Overheard at the campfire...

2006-06-01T10:18:00.000-04:00

One cow says to the other, "Are you worried about mad cow disease?"

The other cow responds...

(wait for it!)

"Why should I worry? I'm a helicopter."

Thanks to B. from the motor city for sharing that one!

Found on the road...

2006-05-24T18:57:00.000-04:00

All of my pets have been rescued in one way or another. I guess the bloggity world likes to post pictures of dogs on Fridays, but I've never been very good at following rules so here she is, in all her spoiled rotteness, my little hundred pound girl, Her Tailness, Miss Lucy Lu.

Miss Lu was found 9 years ago by a former housemate on I-69. For you non-Michiganders, that's a four lane highway, i.e. a very dangerous place for a doggy to be. You can't tell from this picture but she's missing her left ear flap. She came to us that way and we often wonder how that happened, but not for too long because whatever it is, it must have been unpleasant and we just can't bear to think of anyone hurting our precious Lu! We are big softies that way.

She is very sensitive to high pitched noises, thunder, sirens and fireworks. When she's outside and a siren sounds in the distance, she can often be heard howling along in tune! In Michigan we have tornados so they test the tornado sirens monthly. At noon on the first Friday of every month from April through September Lu can be found at my elbow, whining and crying at me to please make it stop, Mommy!

I often refer to Lucy as my Nana dog. She has always been so good with the babies and small children. As they get older she seems to understand that they should know better and is decidedly less patient. If only she were nicer to the cat, she would be the perfect dog!

This is not my best picture of her, but I will have to figure out how to use my scanner to post the one that shows her true personality. That will be the one where she's carrying her security dish and her tail is wagging so fast you can't even see it.

For extra credit? Find the fork in this picture! Yup, that's the usual state of my family room. What can I say? I'm surrounded by handsome young slobs who ignore me!

Reasons for Living

2006-05-19T00:28:00.000-04:00

My favorite from about 4 years ago...

Last summer...

Chicago hotel room last February...

Intoxicating

2006-05-17T23:57:00.000-04:00

The scent of crab apple blossoms on the breeze can send me into a reverie that can only be satiated by a full embrace of the tree, head sunk deep within it's delicate branches, followed by several deep inhalations in a vain effort to capture their fleeting essence and commit it to memory.

This olfactory memory is so deeply ingrained that one whif can send me reeling back to middle school, to the first time I really remember noticing how incredibly intoxicating they are.

I was walking home from the bus stop in a foul mood when the smell hit me and suddenly it was a gorgeous spring day. It was my first experience with aromatherapy. Two weeks later, I discovered lilacs.

Non Michiganders might be interested to note that the crab apple blossom is the official State Flower of Michigan.

Grandma fans should draw their attention to the new Toyota Highlander just to the left of the crab apple tree. Normally I would have cropped that out, but I'm so proud of her for buying a hybrid! I just had to leave it in.

Trying to add photos and so on...

2006-05-15T11:56:00.000-04:00

As my dear old friend "She" mentioned, it's looking a little gray around here. In the interest of adding some color, I'm attempting to upload some photos but I'm having a heck of a time with it! This is why you have no wonderful new post for Mother's Day, I am lame! Or maybe it's Blogger that's lame, who can tell at this point?

I've tried resizing the photo I want to add to my profile because it's already been rejected once for being too large, but now I'm getting a time out when I try to upload it so, I guess that's not working. Sigh. It's no wonder so many people give up on this as soon as they start, it's not for the faint of heart!

Dragging and dropping from the web is the only thing that's worked for me so far. The tool they have provided keeps timing out, so I tried one more time, hopefully this will work!

Edited to add that this painting is called Raven's Dream, it was a birthday gift from my husband several years ago. :)

In other news and future photo ops (she said hopefully) my delightful kindergartner brought me flowers in bed yesterday. Yes, two marigolds in a styrofoam cup, (be still my heart!) along with the requisite construction paper card and a refrigerator magnet that he drew himself. What a sweetie, I am blessed! Someday when I figure out how to add topics to my posts I will create a topic called "surrounded by handsome young men who adore me" just for posts like this one!

Hope this finds you blessed as well, more later!

Look for me on Mother's Day

2006-05-12T09:20:00.000-04:00

Hello, Imaginary Readers!

Just a quick post to say, sorry I haven't posted this week! I'm crazy busy with work and of course Traveling Grandma is here so I have no privacy to speak of. Yes, I know, she's wonderful and generous and delightful but she's also a fairly demanding house guest who does not seem to understand why I can't get my work done when she's chattering at me all day. (Sigh.) She leaves Sunday for the land of red coated mounties and hot maple syrup at which point I'll post something of greater substance. Until then, Happy Friday to all!

Oh, and here's my fitness meditation for the day from Newton's first law of Motion: An object in motion tends to stay in motion, an object at rest tends to stay at rest.

Mayday!

2006-05-01T10:43:00.000-04:00

When searching for blog fodder, it would seem that I need look no further then my own email!

Submitted for your consideration: my dear friend DC sent the following (rather alarmist) email regarding a meeting this past January between Hugo Chavez and Cindy Sheehan with the usual admonition that we should all boycott Citgo and all things Venezuelan.

Venezuela Dictator Vows To Bring Down U.S. Government

Venezuela government is sole owner of Citgo gasoline company

Venezuela Dictator Hugo Chavez has vowed to bring down the U.S. government. Chavez, president of Venezuela, told a TV audience: "Enough of imperialist aggression; we must tell the world: down with the U.S. empire. We have to bury imperialism this century."

The guest on his television program, beamed across Venezuela, was Cindy Sheehan, the antiwar activist. Chavez recently had as his guest Harry Belafonte, who called President Bush "the greatest terrorist in the world."

Chavez is pushing a socialist revolution and has a close alliance with Cuban dictator Fidel Castro.

Regardless of your feelings about the war in Iraq, the issue here is that we have a socialist dictator vowing to bring down the government of the U.S. And he is using our money to achieve his goal!

The Venezuela government, run by dictator Chavez, is the sole owner of Citgo gas company. Sales of products at Citgo stations send money back to Chavez to help him in his vow to bring down our government.

Take Action

Please decide that you will not be shopping at a Citgo station. Why should U.S. citizens who love freedom be financing a dictator who has vowed to take down our government?

A link within the email takes us to this report at Ms NBC which includes the following photo accredited to Miraflores Palace via Reuters.

Meanwhile, back at the progressive press we have an opposing viewpoint from Common Dreams, essentially stating that we should support the (ahem) democratically elected president of Venezuela by boycotting everyone else (read Exxon/Mobil, i.e. Middle Eastern oil) and only buying our fuel from Citgo.

As I said to DC, we actually threatened Chavez first because our government didn't like his progressive policies. However, I intensely dislike his macho posturing, almost as much as I dislike it in my own government officials.

So, even though I'm usually a person of strong opinions, I'm really quite torn on this one. It's highly unlikely that tiny Venezuela could make so much as a dent in the US, but threatening us does more harm then good! I wish Chavez would make it easier by taking the high road but I guess he's just a typical male after all. Too bad, I'd like to see the end of US imperialism too.

What do you think? Who should we boycott, if anyone? Do boycotts really do any good? Or do they just make things more inconvenient for the boycotters?

Talk amongst yourselves!

In other news, today is May Day! AKA International Workers Day! The following link will take you to a hot blast of rhetoric from the Anarchist Library describing the history and origins of International Workers Day.

It might be appropriate at this juncture to let everyone know I have deep labor roots. It seems my Italian great-grandfather was a union organizer in the Virginia coal mines back in the day, as the kids say. Unfortunately, as the story goes, he was killed in a motorcycle accident on his way to a violin lesson when my grandma was just 5 years old. A sad story to be sure, but the scary part for me is that nobody knows if it was really an accident or if he was the victim of something more nefarious.

Today, immigrants all over the country will be marching in solidarity, to call attention to immigration reform. A worthy cause, to be sure, especially since I tend to fall on the side of the workers. But…

…what I want to know is, whatever happened to International Outdoor Intercourse Day, aka Beltane? For my money? That’s a much more enjoyable way to spend the day! Thus, I entreat you, if you can’t march today, for whatever reason, (ironically, I have to work, heh…) At least go outside with your favorite scrump buddy, light a bonfire and spread a little joy amongst the flowers of spring.

Disclaimer: If zoning or fire prevention ordinances forbid the lighting of bonfires in your backyard, I’m sure the Goddess will understand if you only light a candle. J

Start somewhere...

2006-04-24T09:11:00.000-04:00

I've never been able to maintain a journal and I don't know if this will be any different, but if I don't try, it definitely won't happen! That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Does that count as an entry? I think so. If I ever get any regular readers, they can complain when they get here.

To all my "friends" in the bloggity world, thank you for your inspiration! I'll try to be more entertaining in the future.

Oh, I know! How about a cast of characters? Yes? Okay! Here are a few of the regulars:

ME! I'll just be brave and call myself Beth because nobody will be reading this anyway. But the (mostly) innocent must be protected from the nefarious and nebulous internets!

Yo - The long suffering husband.

Ebo - Our brilliant and delightful teenaged son, aged 14.

PJ - A mischievous sprite, snuggle puppy and Klingon warrior, aged 6.

Those people? Listed above? They like to spoonerize things. It's not pretty. It's prot netty either!

Grandma - my Mom, a supporting character, she'll love the double meaning there! She comes and goes in between her wild adventures.

Her Tailness - AKA Miss Lu, our wonderful black lab, she's 10ish. She's an excellent drummer.

The Dustmop - AKA Hairy, a lab/border collie mix, often travels with the G'mom but currently residing with us. Like most Gemini natives, he has two completely different personalities! Try not to piss him off; you could lose an arm that way.

Miss Boo - our kitty, age 12. Can cats be described as anything other then enigmatic? I think there might be some kind of rule...

The Weather - Welcome to Michigan! We have weather! It has character! What? Do I have to tell that tired old joke again? Okay, here goes: "If you don't like Michigan weather, wait a minute."

There, that'll do.